It happens to us all.
We forget our spouse was ever a blonde-haired, blue-eyed adorable little boy, some mother’s son.
We can’t even think that the arrogant barista who makes our coffee might have a story of heartache and grief to tell.
We get so angry at our kids that we don’t remember the days of quiet, nursing babies and rocking chairs.
We forget and we are blind.
Naomi, my five-year-old, floated on a cloud, it seemed, around the gathering room in the retirement community. Her class had taken a Christmas field trip to sing to the seniors. After Deck the Halls and Jingle Bells, Naomi delivered Christmas cards, candy canes and hugs to white haired women she’d just met. When most of her classmates were too scared to venture into the audience, Naomi led with confidence, grace and smiles that would melt anyone’s heart.
Beauty and love bubbles up in her, yet some of her instructors see only her misbehavior.
She holds friends’ hands when they are crying, the only compassionate heart in a sea of Kindergartners. Yet there are some who only tolerate her.
She is creative and beautiful and smart, but sometimes it is hard to see.
She throws occasional tantrums. She is naughty. She doesn’t obey, talks out of turn and she interrupts.
But then again, so do I.
And so do her teachers and babysitters.
So does her father and her sister. And so do most of us.
As we all walk the road to maturity together, let us each remember and see one another’s tenderness {even if it is below the surface}, each other’s story {even if it is yet untold} and each other’s intentions {even if it is muffled by pain}.
Let us each reframe each other with the eyes of love and notice beauty.
And let us each move beyond tolerance and begin to love again.
Do you have trouble seeing the beauty in others? Do others have trouble seeing the beauty in your own children? What helps you remember the humanity of others?
Lord, thank you for this reminder from Sarah…to see beneath the surface and find your beauty in everyone.
Thank you, Sarah!
Thank YOU for being here =)
Naomi and my son would get along famously! He is always looking out for others and his heart is so full of love, he easily shares the Lord in ways that humble me. Yet there are people who don’t see it, can’t or won’t. We pray for them, and for us, so that we can be examples of living, radical, loving grace. Bright blessing for you and hugs for those sweet babes…a special one for your little Naomi!
thank you shanyn. i love watching love spring from her. and i’m sure our kids would love each other! =)
Sarah,
I love this post.
It reminds me so much of my 2nd and 3rd kiddos.
And it reminds me so much of how GOd sees us.
We are sinners, selfish, angry, mean people, but He sees us as His children.
His pure and spotless children whom He loves.
Thank you for the lovely reminder.
Love from,
Greta
this is beautiful Greta! thank you!
Oh, thank you for posting this. My husband and I adopted two children from foster care earlier this year, and sometimes, it is hard to see past some of the erratic behaviors. Even though I know their back story is filled with pain and trauma. Even though I love them deeply. Even though I never expected this to be easy. What a humbling but gentle reminder of the grace I am given, paid for by the blood of Christ. Thanks for nudging me to look past the surface.
we all are given that grace, aren’t we? so amazing that you’ve taken foster children. we need more people like you – willing to love even when it isn’t easy. thank you.
I love this. As one mom of a Kindergartener to another, they are just so precious.
And to Naomi, thanks for showing us grown ups how to be brave, and loving, and kind. Merry Christmas sweetheart!
thank you Heather! and yes, naomi is a good reminder of bravery and love. i love watching her.
Whenever I’m tempted to get angry at someone – a waiter, another driver, a rude person at the mall – I do my best to remember that they are someone’s child. I try to remember to try them the way I’d want someone to treat MY child. It helps me reel myself back in to think this way.
that’s a really good idea, chrissy. thank you. =)
Thank you so much for your thoughts. As a preschool director I so appriciate that rarely do we know what is really going on with behavior. We only see glimpses of the story.
Thank you SO MUCH for that. really. thank you
Yes! My background is working with kids with autism. It was wonderful to get to know them and see not just their limitations, but their beauty and their gifts.
When I was working as a children’s pastor, I actually loved having behavior conversations with parents. I loved encouraging them that their child who was pushing limits was probably a leader whose gifts just needed to be honed. I loved reminding them that, yes, there were some things we needed to work on, but their child was loved and welcomed. After all, the goal is not for kids to follow rules but to follow Christ.
I’m so glad you were able to see the beautiful gifts of your daughter at that senior home.
thank you stephanie. those families were blessed to have you. sigh.
Thank you so much for this post. My middle child has been such a handful lately. We all seem to be tolerating her lately. This is a great reminder.
i think every mom “tolerates” her kids sometimes. yesterday, in the middle of a lot of tolerating, i tried to watch for the good things. and i found them. they were beautiful!
I think sometimes the most difficult of children turn into the most kind, compassionate,world changers. Keep looking into her heart. My favorite book of recent is called How We Love Our Kids. I’m a mother of a 18 and 19 year old…just wish I had this book when they were little. It’s life changing. You sound like a wonderful mother already.
xo Jana
ps-The difficult one is now 18 and amazing. I know he will change our world. He sure changed me.
i love this. thank you so much for this Jana!
I tend to “tolerate” and call it love. I get quickly exasperated in others with the very same things others find exasperating in me. I wonder if I love the places I find bothersome in people if that won’t eventually work itself around to others doing the same to me. Like a perfect ecosystem of love and not just tolerance.
I need to love and need to give love.
last line should have read,
I need to love and to be loved.
ah, the husband comments. =)
love you babe. thank you.
i cannot imagine ever ‘just tolerating’ naomi. she is the sweetest, loving, endearing child ever. i always look forward to her snuggles, hugs, and ‘lauren, you’re so beautiful’. she is one of a kind in the best sort of way
thank you friend. she loves you. =)
I remember those days when my youngest who is now is 26 a lot like your precious little one. He was the square peg that everyone wanted to put in that round slot. He has grown into a wonderful young adult with wisdom and talents beyond everyone’s expectations. You are a wonderful mom and your girls will grow to be very exceptional women.
When Shauna and I visited Maui I spent many hours beach-combing, looking for unbroken shells. One day I realized: God looks for the broken ones I discard.
Broken shells like me. Rough-edged, but beautiful in his eyes.
i love that brad. what a powerful picture. thank you.
What a powerful and beautiful reminder.
thank you lis!!
We so easily forget. Thanks for the beautiful reminders
I am reminded how much God loves me and how much before I came to accept Christ I was in need of a Savior and still am!! As I too fall very short with this. It just puts others in perspective for me to remember God’s love for them too. He came to save the WORLD-not one person(although I think he would have gone through it all for one person) not a country or continent, but the whole world!! Glory be to God!!! As I was reading this post two scriptures came to mind: 2 Timothy 2:24 and 1 Thessalonians 5:14-15 Oh how I need to put these scriptures in memory!!!!
You wrote the words I have spoken to my kids so many times. “Everyone has a story.” We don’t know why they’re irritable, angry or in a hurry. Maybe they forgot their kid had early dismissal and they’re feeling neglectful and sad. Maybe they have a terrible illness, or their mother/aunt/child/husband does. Maybe they’ve never been truly loved. I don’t know if they understood, but I hope they did. Everyone has a story. That helps me know they’re human. Just as you said so beautifully.
I LOVE this!! I have a kindergartener also. She is an angel sent directly to me & my husband. Sure, she can be sassy and disobey. But, what she does have is a huge heart & love for people. Have a Merry Christmas!!!