Yesterday was Lunar New Year, Tet in Vietnam, and when I walked into the nail salon I go to sometimes, the girls who work there told me all about the gigantic meal they had eaten the night before. I asked them a lot of questions and we talked about their customs and the kinds of food they ate on New Year.
I knew that the children get money from the elders. I knew that it was a big deal: New Year. Bigger than our stay-up-late and blow-a-few-noisemakers New Year.
After a few minutes they went back to talking to each other in Vietnamese. I sat back and thought. I’ve come here for a long time and I’ve never, ever thought to try to learn Vietnamese.
Now I know that that might sound silly. Stupid. Idiotic. Like where would I need to speak Vietnamese?
I don’t live in Vietnam. I don’t live in a primarily Vietnamese neighborhood. But, in reality, questions only go so far to show someone you care. When someone takes the time and energy to “speak your language” it makes all the difference.
How often do we only want to speak the “languages” we are comfortable with? For example, if I wanted to buy my mother a gift of music, it would be very easy for me to purchase an iTunes gift card with a few clicks and send it to her via email. Now while she reads my blog (Hi MOM!!) and works her cell phone like a pro, she doesn’t really utilize iTunes and she checks her email infrequently. MY language is the 1-2-3 simplicity of the Internet. HER language would be for me to go out and purchase a CD for her. That is what she knows and what she is comfy with.
Going out of my way to speak her language is what shows her love.
I’m going to Peru next week, and again, I don’t speak the language.
I could have taken Spanish in high school and college but I opted for French. I know. It doesn’t make a lot of sense but I wasn’t very practical back then.
On our trip to Lima we will have translators with us and while I’m not worried, I do feel dreadfully underprepared, less-than-functional and a little useless. A little like an appendix.
I wish now more than ever I spoke Spanish. I wish I could understand the stories, the questions, and the songs with my own ears and not the words translated into English.
Something about knowing the language of someone makes showing love that much easier.
I can’t learn Spanish in 6 days. So I’ll be relying on smiles and hugs and handshakes to communicate my joy and my thoughts. In Peru next week, I’ll just have to share my love without fluency of words.
But I believe we can become fluent in the “languages” of those that are the closest to us.
This might even go one step further than the whole love language discussion. It’s about moving toward someone in their native culture and not merely sitting back and letting them come to me. In our house we all speak English, but we do NOT all speak the same language all of the time.
If my husband responds well to me sitting down and looking him in the eye after dinner for 20 minutes to talk about the day when my natural language would be to recede into myself and my latest audio book, then to love him will be to listen to him.
If my youngest’s language of today is the on-the-bedroom-floor, feet-kicked-up posture to play with her Littlest Pet Shop in the dollhouse {but I desperately need to fold clothes and clean up my own bedroom} to love her will be to spend time with her.
If my ten-year-old’s language is to watch that at times annoying Funny Home Video show over and over again on Netflix then I will do it because to love her well will be to share in her laughter and joy and silliness.
Learning each other’s language means being observant, being intentional and many times being uncomfortable.
But doing this, even in the discomfort, will help us love each other well.
Are you fluent in the languages of those you love the most? Are they fluent in yours?
Ouch! I am probably not as fluent as I should be in some languages. Thank you for the reminder. I’ll be praying for you next week!
thank you so much Mary! =) i really appreciate it.
My husband and I are trying to speak each other’s “love language” right now.
Oh, and my mom told me to take Spanish but I didn’t listen! Like you, I took French. I don’t remember a word of it!
http://irishtripletsrecovery.blogspot.com/
Ha! i do remember some french but not enough. =)
Really good questions because everyone has a different sytle and way of relating. Understanding this basic concept could make a big difference especially in marriage.
thank you Sharon! And I agree.=)
This post is speaking my language.
I especailly relate to the part about talking to my husband after dinner rather than being by myself.
It has taken me many years to recognize this, and even longer to put into practice, and even longer to not resent it.
Why?
I’m selfish.
“But the fruit of the Spirit is LOVE.”
And so, I am equipped to speak the love languages of my family with absolute fluency.
God has given me that.
I still have to do it, of course, and that is the hard part.
Thank you for the reminder.
Love from,
Greta
beautiful!
thank you greta. =)
You’re going to do great! Don’t worry about the language. Its the look in your eyes that will show your heart.
thank you Mari!
Like the earlier comment, this post reminded me of the premise in the Love Language book. I’m now listening to Languages of Workplace Appreciation. If we all could flex a little and speak the “languages” of others more often…communication could really be amazing. Great post!
that’s fascinating!! thank you tricia! i had no idea he’d written one about the workplace. =)
Some people are so good at this… I’m married to one of them. Thanks for the reminder that what I really want is to be one of them.
I pray you have a wonderfully fruitful trip!
mmm. thank you jennifer. i appreciate it!!
OH! Love this…for fun my husband and I took a love languages “test” and it turned into a fight! Oh, truly that was a funny day.
We (like most couples, I presume) are polar opposites, but the newfound awareness of how we thrive in a relationship made us so much more intentional in our expression of love toward one another.
I wish it was more often, but I have to remind myself to surrender my own comforts to meet his, because (as silly as it sounds) those have been some of the best times of living out my higher calling as a wife and an expression of worship to God…and in turn, my husband has the freedom, time and motivation to give to me in a language I am comforted by. It may seem selfish – to give because you are getting in return – but really it’s the byproduct and result of selfless love – something I’ve experienced but need a lifetime to master!
Thanks Sarah – will absolutely be praying for you next week. And I may even make some empanadas and lomo saltado in your honor! haha! We love our Peruvian food.
Thank you Melissa! I ALWAYS appreciate your comments. We need another coffee date at Gypsy Den! =)
You definitely have the cmpassion, love toward your husband, and devoted helping Peru people. Our prayers, our congrats that you serve such people there. Bless y’all as you go.
thank you so much Carol. your prayers are so appreciated. =)
wow!
this post rocks! so do you…and your mom too!
got me where i needed to be gotten today!
just think of it…Jesus ALWAYS speaks our language…
hmmm…
love you,
dad
thank you dad. I love you!!
i found when i went to haiti that any knowledge of foreign language helps. i met people who spoke spanish and also french. and i was able to use my tiny little knowledge of those languages to catch some creole. it’s amazing how much you can communicate with others when you really try. even if you don’t speak the same language. good luck in peru! xoxo
thank you meghan! i’ll take all the help i can get. =)