“Don’t marry anyone dumber than you, Sarah.” My dad drove our family car on the way to church. It was only me in the car for some reason and I was about sixteen.
I shook my head. “Of course not, Dad.”
Maybe I was dating a silly-pants at the time {there were a few of those} or maybe he was just referring to my drive for near perfection on my report cards, but whatever prompted it, I’m very sure he said this to me.
It was always in my mind to find some some pastor-type or some guy who wanted to major in literature. And if I was very, very lucky, he’d have the bedroom eyes of Luke Perry with the poetry-reading skills of Gilbert Blythe.
A couple years later I met Chad. And he was everything I wanted. Instead of Luke Perry I’d met Zach Morris but we hit it off instantly.
We were an incredible match. I know now what my dad meant: he understood that for me to be satisfied in my marriage I would need to find a man who would match me toe to toe. A man who would be as strong as me {my father, I’m sure, was noticing stubborn streaks in me}, who would be as thirsty for knowledge as me and who would be my equal in drive and passion for life.
And Chad has been all of these things. Of course we’ve struggled with ADD, we’ve struggled with infidelity and we still struggle with simply still loving each other well. But all in all, we have a mutual regard and respect for one another.
He does well in areas I do not. I excel in things he manages poorly in and in that, we match.
We match.
Over the years, Chad and I have swung between many ideas when it comes to the idea of biblical “submission” in marriage.
At first no one submitted to anyone. We fought, we hated one another, and we slammed a whole lot of doors.
Somewhere in the middle we decided I would submit to him in everything and he would be the sole leader. That worked for awhile and I believe, in the season we were in, we needed a certain type of structure to help us learn to live together again.
And now, no where near the twilight of our married life but certainly far enough along to have gained a bit of wisdom along the way, we have settled into a mutual submission and regard for one another.
We do stand toe to toe. He’s 6 1/2 inches taller than me but we look eye to eye. We love Jesus and we love each other. I back down when I’m wrong and he backs down when he’s wrong, and that works for us. It works for us because we match.
And because he’s smarter than me. My dad was right.
How were your parents “right?”
What about personality types? Are you opposite in all?
Like Myers Briggs indicators total opposites?
oh!! we are opposite in everything but we are matched well because of it. =)
My mom told me to talk to my husband the second I was upset about something and not hold it in like she did. Well, I didn’t listen. I closed myself off. My husband closed himself off and I had an affair.
NOW………I will say anything the second I am thinking or feeling it. I HAVE to or my marriage will fall apart.
When we’re young, we don’t listen. We must learn for ourselves. I can try to tell my girls the same thing until I’m blue in the face but I’m sure they won’t listen.
http://irishtripletsrecovery.blogspot.com/
i agree. we must learn for ourselves. =)
My dad never gave me any advise growing up and my mother was so messed up her advise would be poor choices.
So I was left to decide and learn on my own.
My husband and I met in high school and have managed to make it work 38 years. God has been with us and that my friend is a miracle.
OHH! I love miracles =)
As old-fashioned as it sounds, my mother always told me that I wanted a man who was crazy about me; one who pursued me, and that I never had to question whether or not he was interested, because everyone would see that he was crazy about me. She said that if you have to go after a guy in the beginning, you set the pattern for the whole relationship to be that way. I don’t know if she was just talking about me in particular, but she was right! I tried it the other, but I am so, so grateful I married the man who says he knew almost right away that I was the one for him!
When I was in college, my mom once called me a chicken. She was right. I was so afraid of ruining my friendships with certain guys that the minute they asked me on a date or tried to change the relationship, I’d run the other direction (even if I really was interested!). I never recognized the pattern until she called me on it. After that conversation, I made a commitment to give up the fear & trust God would protect my relationships. Less than a month later, my current boyfriend asked me on a date. That was 5 years ago tomorrow
It’s funny how our parents see things about us we’d never even notice..and how taking their insight seriously can change our lives!
My natural parents have never really given me any advise about who is should/shouldn’t marry. (On the contrary my mom has said on more than one occasion that I’d be better off to not. But that’s a whole other comment/post.) My spiritual parents – and my married friends, too – have always said to find someone who is my best friend. I’ve had a slew of friends get married in the past 3 1/2 years and each couple has a foundation of friendship that I admire.
My parents weren’t much for advice, but I do remember my Dad once saying “He never promised you a rose garden” haha By He, he meant God, and he, my Dad, was so very right. I hear his words when I am tempted to complain
.
wow…
Sarah, you said it better than i ever did.
isn’t it great how Jesus uses our sincere attempts to help one another in ways far past our best hopes?
you & Chad are awesome as individual people & even better as a committed couple under Jesus!
love you,
dad
Great post. Yes – my Dad was right. And my mother. They didn’t preach much. They lived it.
Sarah, that was amazing! You are both incredibly intelligent and insatiable for knowledge. Love that about you two and love you both dearly. It’s delightful to watch you grow more in love with Jesus and each other!
First of all, I love that you dropped the name “Luke Perry” in a blog post. Secondly,this is one of my favorite posts because it so clearly describes your love for one another. Lastly… my momma always said, “The way to a man’s heart, is through his stomach” and I have found this to be true. But about my selection of a husband… they weren’t really in tune with that. I hope to be of better service to my boys.
Hi Sarah – my parents taught me 2 lessons in life:
– Love yourself
– Never tell a lie
My Mom and Dad are my guardian angels here on earth. I am incredible lucky to have them in my life. My dad’s health is failing these days but he will ALWAYS be the first man I ever loved
(he has a plaque that I gave him that has those words on it).
Thanks Mom for showing me unconditional love and support.
Thanks Dad for letting me spend hours and hours in your workshop while you built things. It’s what made me love my husband even more (he is JUST LIKE YOU!!!)