“Go play outside. Unless someone’s arm is cut off or you break a toe, don’t come back in until I call you.”
We have that slight luxury in Southern California of playing outside in the dusk of the New Year. Not every day, but some are warm enough to run out in the late afternoon with short sleeves and dig in the cool dirt to make castles for tiny fairies and rafts for miniature plastic dogs.
And seconds after they are safely in the yard I turn to do my work.
I wash dishes. I write. I fold laundry. I pick up a neverending stream of little-girl toys. I go through mail. I email. I prep dinner. I bake brownies. I take a shower because, oh wow, it’s 4 o’clock and I’ve forgotten to do so today.
I’ve chosen this: this quotidian, common life. When I decided to have a marriage and have a baby, when I decided to help raise a family I chose this life. This I-can’t-remember-the-last-time-I-slept-in life.
But sometimes I wonder if some of it has chosen me. I’m nothing exciting and I’ve spent the last ten years, literally, doing the everyday tasks that come along with mothering and trying to run a household.
This kind of existence really crept up on me and while I knew all along this is what it entailed, I never really knew. Not until I was in the middle of it. Not really.
And now I think: am I content? Is this all there is? Is there MORE than this?
Am I really content sweeping crumbs, cleaning the yard after our dog, and washing clothes for 4 people for the next decade? Am I really content with cleaning up the messes of others for what seems like eternity?
If I’m honest, sometimes YES and sometimes NO.
Sometimes I’m just really, really tired.
But there is more. If I break it down only to the crumbs and the messy van and the trips to Target, then no. It isn’t anything worth feeling content with or happy about. There is nothing hopeful about cruising along in the 25 miles per hour zone for the rest of my young (ish) life.
But the MORE of it is the watching my almost-six-year old read books in their entirety to me now. The MORE of it is sharing the laughter of a household full of people with wine and lasagna around my dinner table. The MORE of it is the mentoring and the coffee dates and the ah-ha moments of my daughters. The MORE of it is volunteering in the classrooms of my girls and with my husband at church.
The MORE of it all, what makes this live uncommon, is the people who make it messy, not the messes themselves.
I hear screams out in the yard. Not hurt screams but angry ones. They are arguing over a turn with a toy, I’m sure.
It reminds me that the people in my life are what is important and not necessarily the common tasks, chosen or not, that fill up my hours.
I’ll forget. Oh yes. I’ll forget and I’ll get tired and I’ll even wonder, in my rawest places, if this is all worth it. I’ll scream and yell and angry-text my husband with all caps telling him
I NEED A BREAK OR I’M GOING TO GO INSANE.
And then I’ll take a break and return to the understanding that the kids in the yard, the friends at my table and the husband on the other end of my rage are what are significant.
They are the MORE in my life.
Are you content? What (or who) is the MORE in your life?
Honestly? Yes, most of the time I am content. A wise man once told me, want what you have. It is OK to want better or more or different, but contentment can often be found in wanting what you already have. BUT…I am 51 and it took me a LOOOONG time to get to the contentment stage. And even today sometimes I want to send the same angry text that you send and I don’t even have small children anymore!
I love you, Sarah Markley. What a gift and a blessing you are in my life. How grateful I am for the opportunity to have met you in RL!
thank you Mary! And yes, i remember our conversations very fondly. what a beautiful conference that was to bring so many people together!
I loved this post today, Sarah…It is sometimes so hard to really SEE the kids and my husband when I am standing amidst all the things I have to do. Thanks for the reminder today.
Oh, and I am going to make sure to tell my husband that he is not the only one that gets texts of the variety I send!
i think most husbands get an all caps angry text once in awhile. =)
This is the second post I read today speaking of the fatigue of motherhood and the gratitude blended with it. It is a hard job but worth every minute so long as we keep the perspective and ministry close to our hearts. It is a ministry, and mission field and every other ‘attribute’ that involves raising wonderful healthy children. You are awesome. Press on and do good, even after that much needed nap.
thank you so much sharon. trying very hard today to honor the gifts that god has given me (in the form of my little ones) =)
Have you heard the song, “You’re Gonna Miss This?”
It pretty much says it all!
http://irishtripletsrecovery.blogspot.com/
oh yes!! i have. i agree. =)
I needed this. I forget that i’m not the only one doing dishes and picking up toys and laundry and, and, and… But I am not content. I am tired. Oh so tired. I am tired of being the only one bearing the majority of the burden on the home front. (i am a working mom) actually, I’m not just tired, I am exhausted. And I’ll be honest, my house pretty much goes neglected most of the time. I’d rather watch tv w/, do homework w/, play w/my kids. I kind of hate my neglected house but it is what it these days….
Maybe one day i’ll get it together again…
(sry for laying it out here, but thanks for listening)
thank YOU for being so honest Jimmie Lee. it helps to know we aren’t alone. =)
I also wrote about contentment today. Must be a theme. Mine was talking about the comparison monster- how that rips contentment right out of my heart. (http://everydayawe.com/2012/01/26/the-monster-that-always-comes-back)
So, what is the MORE that I come back to? Moments. Laughing playing chase with my boys around the house. Receiving hugs and hearing “I love you”s. Listening to worship music while I do the dishes. Watching favorite shows with my husband in the blissfulness of kids asleep but us not yet asleep.
The days overwhelm me. The moments remind me.
oooh i love that stephanie!
the days overwhelm me, the moments remind me. perfect.
thank you for reminding me what the MORE is and how i want MORE of just that. my priorities are shifting and i want to focus on the MORE.
so do i!! thank you jordy.
I find it both fascinating and comforting that you think there is anything common about you because you, you are so beautifully and wonderfully uncommon. You are extraordinary. But somehow today you are also just like me. Amazing.
thank you jennifer. but yes, i am so common. i’m glad we are all in this together, right?
‘When I think of the crumbs…no I am not content…when I think of the who…then yes I am content.’ I resonate with this post. At times I wonder if it is the press of modern media & knowing everything in the world and even reading inspiring stories of others — that really do inspire — that seemingly make the simple things of my life out of the realm of content — is there MORE — I often ask the question. Sometimes I am content; sometimes I am not. I take great comfort that Paul learned contentment and so, too, I am learning contentment. Learning to trust God that I am doing what He has called and to keep my ear to the ground and if He is calling me to something More than this — that I will hear and obey. And if not, to be content.
Thanks for a wonderfully thought provoking post that reflects my own thoughts quite frequently.
I just try and remember that someday I’m going to be so thankful for these days and miss them dearly. They’re hard, they’re fun, stressful, beautiful, long and loving. But so worth it.
Sarah, your words have brought me back to what is the season of my life. Today is to Serve God with all my heart, mind and soul and everything else will fall in the place the Lord wants it to be. Thanks for your honesty and the truth of a stay at home mommy.
Good reminder for me today.I want to be sitting here doing my own thing but my eldest is calling me away to play a game. He is what is more important right now.
I continue to be amazed by God, and how He blesses us with what we need when we need it. I so needed to read this today and be reminded of what is the “more” in my life. Between the day-to-day “stuff” that never seems to end (laundry, dishes, cleaning) and the homeschooling, there is the struggle of my husband trying to get his business off the ground and him working insane hours – and now both sets of parents are facing serious health issues, each of them many hours away. Sometimes it’s so hard to remember the “more”. It’s easy to focus on the piles of laundry and the fact that the dog desperately needs to be groomed and that my 9th grader hates chemistry and I’m so far away from my daddy who’s in the hospital! But this – this helps refocus. This reminds me that the chemistry text and the dog’s nails and the fact that my Christmas tree is STILL up don’t really matter. What matters are the people that I cherish. What matters is driving to my hubby’s store so I can give him fresh clothes to work in since he worked all night, and be able to get a hug and kiss, though brief, to reconnect our hearts. What matters is calling my dad and my mother-in-law and my father-in-law and telling them I’m praying for them and love them so dearly. What matters is being patient and trying to understand moles and balancing equations for my son who desperately needs to see God through me. What matters is pulling myself together enough to see my daughter as He sees her (she’s 12 and changing so much). Thank you for this today.
I had such a horrible experience yesterday. I took our boys to a new doctor in the afternoon when Cooper, my 3 year old, hadn’t napped and Boston was just pulled from the playground from school. They were so embarrassing and I never felt so out of control and stressed. I sent my husband THE ugly text and then cried in the car. To me, the more can be very overwhelming and hard and I could just swear I am not good at in. Or just swear.
FABULOUS! My kids are grown but my daughter’s husband is in the Marine’s and is in Afghanistan. My husband and I help with my daughter with her 2 kids. It gets crazy at times and sometimes it isn’t at all fun, but we wouldn’t have it any other way.
i plan to share your post with my daughter. With her husband gone she is easily overwhelmed with the mundane tasks of being a mom.
how i met your mother streaming ita…
[...]The MORE | Sarah Markley[...]…
I just got a chance to read this post. From someone who’s trying to live intentionally in a world full of laundry and diapers – thank you for reminding me that our four little girls and my handsome husband are The More!!
worship leader…
[...]The MORE | Sarah Markley[...]…