Maybe you think this message might be a week and a half too late. Valentine’s Day was LAST week, right?
We actually don’t “celebrate” a traditional American, romantic Valentine’s day in my house. I mean we give the kids little treats and we try to go out on a date the weekend before or after, but in my house, at least, we don’t worship the 14th as if it’s a watershed moment for romance.
Chad and I are firm believers in a kind of holistic way of relationship building. Our love, our romance should be a thing to strive for at all times. And that way, the “watershed” moments happen in the middle of March or the end of June or on Super Bowl Sunday or on an unexpected cliff overlooking the ocean.
Here are a few tips {from our own lives and the last 15 1/2 years of both getting along and not getting along} about how to love your spouse better starting today. It doesn’t have to be a thing that happens all at once. It can be one single little thing today. And then one single little thing tomorrow. And then one little thing next week.
Any good thing begins this way, I believe. Maybe we can all begin today to be better husbands and wives by starting small and simple. Today. And then again tomorrow.
1. Pray favor for your spouse in his or her day. Be specific.
2. Give something to him/her you normally hold back (affection, time, kind words).
3. Notice something beautiful or positive today about him or her. Be a student.
4. Schedule a unique date night or day and take care of all the details.
5. Calm your own heart so that you are a refuge in the world’s storm for your spouse.
6. Bear a burden (even something small) that normally belongs to your spouse.
7. Show him/her you believe in him/her today. Be his or her champion.
8. Do the unexpected thing. For example, if you are always late, come home on time.
9. When you ask about his or her day, be genuinely interested in the answer.
10. Tell your spouse one hope you have for the two of you for the future.
11. Carve 15 minutes into your evening or early morning to just sit together. Take the time to simply BE.
12. Forget the wrong he/she committed against you yesterday, last week or last year. Strike it from your memory.
13. Remember together a very good memory from the last year.
14. Remember together a very good memory from the first year you were married.
15. Bring up your favorite good quality in your spouse to someone else who matters. Brag on him or her.
16. During an argument, relinquish the need to be correct. Let it go. Breathe.
17. Ask your spouse, “What can I do to love you better today?” Be open to the answer.
18. Resolve to forgive the “wrongs” you expect he/she might do today BEFORE he/she commits them.
19. Send a nourishing message {text, email, message} to your spouse today. Try to fill his/her soul with good, healthy words.
20. Be happy today. Simply that. It will spill over to your spouse.
This list isn’t exhaustive, but I think if we look at our marriages and see all the hurt and apathy stretched out behind and in front of us, it can be overwhelming. Try one small thing today and then one little thing tomorrow and see if helps you love your partner better.
What are small things YOU do to show love to your partner? What has worked for you in the past? What would you add to this list?
Sarah…this is great! Did you compose this list yourself? I love it…while I think I try to do some of these things already, I am going to strive to do more, eventually all of them. Thank you!!
yes! thank you! =)
Say, “I love you” everyday!
http://irishtripletsrecovery.blogspot.com/
i love that one!! =)
Like this a lot! Tonight my special effort will be to go to bed before hubbie – he really appreciates a wee chat before he goes to sleep. I get so caught up doing a “quick check” of Facebook, Twitter, email etc that time flies by. So I will “do the unexpected thing” !
i think that’s a great idea!! thanks for sharing it. =)
I can relate to the 14th…years ago I gave my husband a “get out of jail” card…I realized he lived the list you are talking about more on a daily basis so I did not want him to feel pressure on one day….the weekend after valentines, I went to be with a friend whose husband committed suicide and there were things going on with my brother….when I returned home…there on the counter were my favorite flowers…I was so blessed…he knew my heart needed lifting…I told him those flowers mean more to me than any flowers he was supposed to get me for valentines day…He has helped me not look for the big things…but live the small,loving things daily…
great post and list… we have been married 31 yrs and counting:)
congrats on 31! What an accomplishment. =)
Hi Sarah – what a wonderful lovelist
Being empty nesters, we don’t have the hustle and bustle of kid-stuff anymore. But I make it a point to make my husband breakfast every weekday morning (so I know he is ready to take on his day). People tell me that he should make his own breakfast – but I love doing it! It’s my little love language 
:) Food = love – right? He has told me countless times how appreciative he is that I get up extra early to do that.
I love that Diane!!
We don’t celebrate Valentine’s Day either. We celebrate all year!!
This is a great list!
Thanks Christin!!
I love this list Sarah. So practical and good to remember. I’m glad you sent it after Valentine’s Day.
Ha! right? =)
Even as a single, this list is amazing. I appreciate that these can be applied to any relationship to bring life, healing, and growth. I thought that it was going to be a much different list with married-only ideas. But I think if I started applying these in my dating relationships, my chance for a great marriage will increase.
oh I’m so glad Caitlin! =)
Love this! I love how you talk about things we can and should do daily.
We actually talked with our kids last week about why V-day is so screwy in our society and how we should strive daily to make one another feel loved.
So happy to hear there are others out there who share the sentiment. Thanks for posting this Sarah.
I put the seat down.
I have a babysitter today for my 3 year old. I was volunteering in Boston’s Kindergarten class this morning and then met my husband for lunch. A lunch date just the two of us is SO rare. Ben was running 20 minutes late so I sat at the table and had 2 iced teas before he came and read this post. So when he finally arrived and we ordered our food, I suggested that we read the list again. Thanks Sarah! YOU were apart of the best part of my day. Xoxo
Such sage advice and so right on….and these ideas speak both male and female languages….I am going to copy this and remind myself often…thx, jan
Sarah,
Love this! Great ideas
Sarah, as usual, a simply lovely post. Thanks for always bringing tenderness back into my day.
This is a winderful list, Sarah.
My husband really appreciates me spending time with him.
When I put down my book, shut off the computer and really show him he matters to me.
I admit, this is hard for me.
After a full day with 4 kids (i home school) I just want to stop investing myself in people.
But it is worth it every time.
He also loves when I make his lunch.
And I do almost every morning.
Little and big things, they all add up.
Love from,
Greta
I just pinned this list, need to print it out as a reminder for me…Thank you for sharing!
Powerful list. As always, you get down to what matters most. Miss you guys.
for several months i have been writing down on scraps of paper the little things my husband does that mean a lot to me and keeping them in a jar. it makes me realize that he is so so kind, and hopefully helps me not to take him for granted. thank you for writing this.
We’ve been married 45 years and every SINGLE day I have put sugar in his coffee cup. He makes the coffee at night and we have a special programming on the coffee machine and it comes on at 4:00 a.m. (He gets up at 6) and we spend our first thing in the morning drinking coffee and conversing. Coffee, hug, kiss on the mouth, conversing. Bring it on; we love it! LOVE is an active word at our home!!! I love your 20 list.
Sarah, this is such a great article. So beautiful. I firmly believe in the daily small acts of love, versus the giant gestures once, twice, three times a year. I love what you are doing here.