None of us are superheroes.
When we say
I can handle it,
I’m alright,
I don’t need any help,
we make ourselves out to be some kind of superheroes. No soul can live up to that.
I think when we do this we reduce the depth of our humanity and we do others a disservice. We present a false face.
And when we cover over our humanity with ointments and facelifts, when we shoot botox into the wrinkles of our very natures, we dishonor one another.
We puff ourselves up with a inaccurate sense of strength when in actuality we are bones and flesh, sinews and nerves, eyelashes fluttering and hearts gently beating in chests. We are tears and laughter and hangnails and warts. We are humans with finite minds and finite bodies and finite time, yet we claim we can do it all.
And that we can do it all alone.
When will realize that we cannot make it on our own and that we are simply human? When will we stop saying YES to every question and YES to every project as if we were the hero tasked with saving the city. We chant YES YES YES as if it is only us who can make life happen.
And as we do this, we breathe lies into what others think we are and what others think they must live up to.
When we live like this it as if we are telling the world that they must be a superhero too.
Let’s live real, like the humans we are. The ones who get angry sometimes, who drink one too many drinks once in awhile, the ones who can’t get along with their in-laws at Christmas. Let’s live real like we really are people who leave their laundry on the floor and who sometimes binge on bagels and butter before dinner. Let’s live real and acknowledge the hurts that others have wounded us with and be honest about the pain, but let’s give grace as well.
Let’s not cover our human faces with a mask that belongs to someone else because our human faces are, in fact, more beautiful than anything else.
Do you have a superhero complex? Do you, like me, say yes to too much and take on life as if you are invincible?
Yep. That’s me. And my problem is I say yes and try to do it on my own because I don’t want to bother someone else who is just as busy…but the problem with that is it is false humility on my part and it does do a disservice to others, basically not letting them flourish in whatever it is they are good at b/c I’m doing a half-job at what they could do more excellently, just because I think I’m bothering them…The world already has one Superhero…I’m not Him. Lord, forgive me for saying yes when You specifically place things in front of me so I will say no…
so so true Adrienne!! =)
Ummm… Yeah… Guilty.
I can’t seem to learn this lesson! I try- really! But as soon as I give it up to God & attempt to just breathe, everything spins out of “my” control. Then I put on my SuperHero costume in a panic, & start the vicious cycle over again… I will probably struggle with this until the day I sit at Jesus’ feet- completely exhausted. {sigh}
yeah, me too. thanks for being so honest!!
“…we breathe lies into what others think we are and what others think they must live up to.” Yes! It’s a vicious cycle. Love your words here!
yes, a bad cycle. i’ve seen it in my own life and in the people that i have looked up to in the past. when i began to realize that they aren’t actually who they say they are, worlds can come crashing down. i would love it if we all started out with truth rather than lies on our lips.
Sarah,
My very first therapist gave me a copy of this poem:
http://irishtripletsrecovery.blogspot.com/
Please Hear What I’m Not Saying
By Charles C. Finn
Don’t be fooled by me.
Don’t be fooled by the face I wear
For I wear a mask, a thousand masks,
Masks that I’m afraid to take off
And none of them is me.
Pretending is an art that’s second nature with me,
but don’t be fooled,
for God’s sake don’t be fooled.
I give you the impression that I’m secure,
that all is sunny and unruffled with me,
within as well as without,
that confidence is my name and coolness my game,
that the water’s calm and I’m in command
and that I need no one,
but don’t believe me.
My surface may be smooth but
my surface is my mask,
ever-varying and ever-concealing.
Beneath lies no complacence.
Beneath lies confusion, and fear, and aloneness.
But I hide this. I don’t want anybody to know it.
I panic at the thought of my weakness exposed.
That’s why I frantically create a mask to hide behind,
a nonchalant sophisticated facade,
to help me pretend,
to shield me from the glance that knows.
But such a glance is precisely my salvation,
my only hope, and I know it.
That is, if it is followed by acceptance,
If it is followed by love.
It’s the only thing that can liberate me from myself
from my own self-built prison walls
from the barriers that I so painstakingly erect.
It’s the only thing that will assure me
of what I can’t assure myself,
that I’m really worth something.
But I don’t tell you this. I don’t dare to. I’m afraid to.
I’m afraid you’ll think less of me,
that you’ll laugh, and your laugh would kill me.
I’m afraid that deep-down I’m nothing
and that you will see this and reject me.
So I play my game, my desperate, pretending game
With a façade of assurance without
And a trembling child within.
So begins the glittering but empty parade of Masks,
And my life becomes a front.
I tell you everything that’s really nothing,
and nothing of what’s everything,
of what’s crying within me.
So when I’m going through my routine
do not be fooled by what I’m saying.
Please listen carefully and try to hear what I’m not saying,
what I’d like to be able to say,
what for survival I need to say,
but what I can’t say.
I don’t like hiding.
I don’t like playing superficial phony games.
I want to stop playing them.
I want to be genuine and spontaneous and me
but you’ve got to help me.
You’ve got to hold out your hand
even when that’s the last thing I seem to want.
Only you can wipe away from my eyes
the blank stare of the breathing dead.
Only you can call me into aliveness.
Each time you’re kind, and gentle, and encouraging,
each time you try to understand because you really care,
my heart begins to grow wings —
very small wings,
but wings!
With your power to touch me into feeling
you can breathe life into me.
I want you to know that.
I want you to know how important you are to me,
how you can be a creator–an honest-to-God creator –
of the person that is me
if you choose to.
You alone can break down the wall behind which I tremble,
you alone can remove my mask,
you alone can release me from the shadow-world of panic,
from my lonely prison,
if you choose to.
Please choose to.
Do not pass me by.
It will not be easy for you.
A long conviction of worthlessness builds strong walls.
The nearer you approach me
the blinder I may strike back.
It’s irrational, but despite what the books may say about man
often I am irrational.
I fight against the very thing I cry out for.
But I am told that love is stronger than strong walls
and in this lies my hope.
Please try to beat down those walls
with firm hands but with gentle hands
for a child is very sensitive.
Who am I, you may wonder?
I am someone you know very well.
For I am every man you meet
and I am every woman you meet.
By Charles C. Finn
i’ve seen that before! YES! thank you so much for sharing it with us. =)
So glad I stumbled upon your blog this morning. Your words in this post are spot on! Very encouraging.
glad you did too! welcome! =)
Dear Sarah,
Thank you for telling it (again) exactly as it is. I so appreciate your vulnerability and honesty in posting. You keep it real. You keep me encouraged.
God bless you!
thank you joni!
Last night when I was laying in bed with Boston, my kindergartener, he asked me why I look beautiful when other people come over. He said, “You know like dress up and stuff.” I am still thinking on it today. Thanks for the reminder to let my fresh face out.
i love it that you called it your “fresh” face. so true: authenticity is refreshing. thank you heather!
When my son was 2 years old he asked, “Who is coming over?” I looked up rather surprised and said no one. He replied, “But mommy, you’re vacuuming.” It’s a family joke to this day, BUT if I know someone is coming over, I vacuum. Seems ok, right? Wrong! Because inside I’m FREAKING OUT about if I’ll be looked down on in some way. So I frantically vacuum.
I am encouraged by your honesty. I love your authenticity. And I thank you for your insights into living a real life with its flaws, humaneness and all the raw and messy. I am grateful for your blog.
thank you so much elizabeth. =)
Wow! So honest. My family is a bit raw at the moment because we have lived this and now it has–as it eventually will–come crashing down around us. We are dazed and wounded and hurting–but with all of that has come a freedom to live real and we are learning to embrace that!
wow, suzie. i’m so sorry things are tough right now. glad that you are beginning to experience freedom =)
Yes! I struggle with this. And because I struggle with it it’s easy for me to see the ones around me who battle with this as well. I think we all do. But i tell you-the way you wrote about it here really gets me. It invades my heart and thoughts in a very much needed way.
As always, you are such a beautiful writer.
love you friend!
Sarah, thank you. I’m printing this one out for myself. I want to be real. It’s scary. Yet for me I am finding it is becoming EXHAUSTING to be the “I can handle it/smiley face person.” It’s gonna backfire because you are right, it’s living a lie. Your blog today is extremely timely for me. Thank you again, Sarah. God bless you!! I’m taking off my mask.
so true suzanne. thank you so much for your comment. =)
There’s a running theme God has going for me the last few days. I read “Strong” in God’s Heart for you which talks about Wonder Woman, Paper Coterie posts an Instagram of their email “wonder woman”, my devotional says, “bring your mind to Me for rest and renewal. As your mind stops racing your body relaxes and you regain awareness of me.” – Jesus Calling.
And now – you write this amazing post.
I can honor God by doing only what I can do. Thank so much for this Sarah.
This is intriguing to me because I just said those words you started with to a friend today. I did tell her though, what I felt I did need: a friend. I didn’t really need help with the tasks, but I did need a friend to be with and talk to. I didn’t want her to help with the tasks because she is a person that never says no and is always there for a need when she really needs to take care of herself. I’m going to be thinking and praying about this because I know that what I truly love and want is everything else you wrote about: the authenticity. Thank you for your thoughts.
I never knew the words “Superhero Complex”. Because of all things that is happen on me right now, the words just pop up into my mind, and I google it. Your article is very ‘mind opening’ article.