Many of us have forgotten that some things are meant just for us.
Some things, like that amazing photo we took at the beach last summer, that ground-breaking meal we ate at New Year’s or that time spent around a lake bonfire last week, are meant just for you. And for me.
They are meant for ONLY those of us around that bonfire passing the skewers for the marshmallows. The photo might only be meant for a frame on the mantle and the eyes of those who pass through my doorway. The story of that amazing meal might only be meant for the friends I get to share the story with in person.
A lot of life is meant only for us. Just for me and just for you. Not for the rest of us. And it’s the best kind of secret there is.
I’m not sure that what I’m advocating is a return to privacy, but maybe a rethinking of what we share and a redrawing of our boundaries of how much we talk about in this space. And with that, perhaps we simply need to live a real life.
A real, physical, trampoline-jumping life.
I need to cook dinner for my family without a phone in one hand talking about what I’m cooking. I need to watch a film or read a book and call a friend to talk about it rather than tweet it out for the miniscule corner of the internet that listens to me. I need to keep some of these memories for only me. Only my husband. Only my daughters who will be with me for only a blink longer.
{Someday will they grow up and wonder why I shared all of our memories with the entire world?}
Last weekend Chad and I escaped for a few days. We drove less than two hours away and watched TV, chatted and ordered room service. We took a few adventures, saw a movie and ate good food. But that is our memory and it isn’t for anyone else.
We simply let life move as it should.
The older we get {and the longer I share daily life in public ways} the more we do this: gather some of our lives back as ours.
Maybe it feels like a secret. Maybe it just feels right. Maybe it feels like I want to be more private. But in the end I think keeping things just for us helps us to live life in real color, in four dimensions and in brilliant clarity.
Do you intentionally keep things for only you, your family? Do you think life is “over-shared” online?
This issue has been on my heart, and I think you framed this perfectly.
All my posts have stayed drafts recently, because I struggle to write that distinction of me. I want to write what is on my heart, but not give away the things which need to be mine alone or my family’s alone. I feel like I have been trying to reclaim my life for me, and in that process, holding tight to my experiences as mine, trying to keep them before they go to everyone else. The obviously needed secrets are easy to keep, but the day to day happenstances are harder.
So far, I’ve been using as a topic guide how I generally find that the things I am uninterested in reading in other people’s blogs are good things not to read myself, because they belong too closely to me for others to benefit from my sharing.
Christ, what a great guideline! “I generally find that the things I am uninterested in reading in other people’s blogs are good things not to read myself, because they belong too closely to me for others to benefit from my sharing.” I’m assuming you meant, “are good things not to write myself.” That’s a very good point.
I did mean that, thanks for the correction
such great thoughts, chris. yes, this is exactly what i’ve been mulling around in my summer brain. thanks for commenting! =)
Sarah, I’ve been wondering about the same thing lately. I didn’t want to use my blog merely to vent my feelings, tell stories about my day, etc. My blog wasn’t supposed to be a public diary. I admit, it’s difficult at times to figure out what to share and what not to share… I liked Chris’s comment at the very end… if the reader won’t receive any benefit from what we write, then why write it? I just began a Memoirs series at my blog. Yesterday was only my second post in the series, but I was already cautious about whether or not to write it… it was deep, personal stuff from my childhood – should I even share this? However, I knew that it was an important part to the story… it was from that dark place that God brought light… yes, it was personal… no, maybe everyone shouldn’t read about it… but it was necessary if I wanted to give others the hope of God, and show them where He can bring people from.
While I’m sure you’re talking about more simple memories that aren’t needed to be known, I just wanted to share what was on my heart in regards to this subject. I definitely do agree that simple memories (walks to the park, ice cream with your husband, evening jogs) are almost always better left just that: a memory.
good luck to you, Anna, as you explore the “memoirs” posts. i do believe that a lot of writing benefits the reader (the whole, “I’ve been there too” aspect of it) and certain stories are invaluable to the metastory of humanity. meaning, there are stories that must and should be told. but yes, the simple things, while they can and most definitely are significant to me, don’t always need to be shared. thank you anna. =)
Interesting! This really speaks into something I’ve been pondering last night/this morning. Yesterday afternoon I took a walk around our local community park/pond. The pond in the center of the walking trail has a beautiful fountain. Really the whole thing is very Instagram-worthy. I’m not usually a picture-poster but seeing that scene in front of me, you know what I thought of? “Man, I wish I had an iPhone so I could post that photo! Think of how popular it would be! Wonder how many likes and RTs etc. it would get!”
Ever since that moment, I’ve had this feeling something was so wrong about my response to that moment. Instead of listening to the still, small voice, I thought of my own social media presence. Instead of drinking in the beauty of a summer evening, my thoughts were on internet access and iPhones.
Yes and amen to your words here. Living in the moment, fully present means not only not sharing sometimes, but also rewiring our thought processes, so that we may see the Painter in the sunset and not a rising Klout score.
i love your story jenna. love it. thank you for telling it to us!
I so get that!! Like watching a beautiful sunset and “I just have to” text someone about it right then!! As I look up to continue enjoying the sunset, well… the sun has already set. I missed it. How silly of me!! Lol
yes =)
I agree Sarah. This is the main reason I removed almost my entire blog recently & am instead focusing on ways to reach people in person now (in my home, my church, my community). I think there is amazing beauty in sharing pieces of ourselves for others to be inspired by (you were one of those shining lights for me so long ago), but at some point I think there is danger in sharing too much that may be unhealed, too much that may cause others in the story pain inadvertently, too much that should be special moments reserved for our families. I applaud your discretion and look forward to whatever you share going forward
thank you lindsey!! =)
Sara…this is a great question…being a bit older than most in this blog world…some of the things I wrestle with I wonder if it is because I am older…I don’t tweet…FB…pin…and to be honest…i have to wonder how younger woman with kids do all that and stay present in with their families. I have even found myself…instead of taking pictures to capture a precious memory…I can think about a post…instead of just having a conversation with my kids…I can wonder if this would be good to share. I still struggle with blogging…I am pretty new at this…I don’t want my daily moments to be lived to be written about…I want to live my life so it will be written on the souls around me.
Sara…when I come to read here I hear a heart that will not settle…a heart that is always seeking…asking questions and challenging herself…and therefore others. blessings to you as you journey deeper into the heart of God~
oooh. i love that. “my life to be written on the souls around me.”
well said, roseann! =)
I like that too!! A beautiful statement Roseann. My mother used to say, “I don’t need photos, they are all up here, and she would point to her mind with a smile on her face. It’s like those experiences we’ve had where we were so enjoying life, interacting with people, having so much fun, that the thought never occurs to us to take a photo!! Those are incredible moments. Yes, later on we think, “I wish I’d taken a picture of that.”
Perhaps that time is burned into our heart and soul.
Oh yes to all of this. I don’t need someone else to live my life for me. It’s why I decided not to post photos of my family on my blog or share my husband or children’s names. their story is not mine to tell. My story is. The one God is stirring my own heart. . .
i completely understand! thank you for your comment. =)
Yes. I’m actually very sensitive about this…I have two separate Facebook accounts {one for my “public” life, and one for my “personal life”} and I keep many things away from the realm of online life. I think it’s so important to have something separate – special and sacrosanct – that stays in the face-to-face world of real life.
interesting. me? i just keep it really surfacy on FB. I don’t put anything out there that might be too personal. I hear you, though. there are a lot of ppl who do the same thing.
maybe i’ll just close my FB account altogether =)
I too lean toward the “surface” on FB. And my husband said that if people only knew me through instagram they’d basically think I have a dog and I love to eat. I do post the occasional pic of my daughter or my husband. But mostly, yeah, it’s photos of my dog and the food I’m enjoying. But maybe that’s how it should be? I don’t want to view our lives through a lens on a camera or a screen on my computer. I want to live it with my heart and let the memories be imperfect and not caught on film (or flash drive). As much as I want to be a voice of encouragement and perspective on line, I am more committed to being a real person who interacts with real people day in and day out. Because for every person who’s left a comment on a blog post, there is a real person who needs to see my eyes and know I am listening.
Great post, Sarah.
love it!! yes, i agree teri lynne!
I think it’s probably a bigger problem the bigger your blog or online presence is – my blog has always been about documenting our story, just for us. The fact that I have or do not have readers does not factor into what I choose to document. Of course, I do think that there are private things that should not be shared publicly, and I always make sure my husband is okay with the kind of posts I publish about him. There has been a big push for “authenticity,” int he last few years, which translated in the blog world, is interpreted as “sharing everything, even the ugly stuff,” which I interpret as “oversharing.” There is ugly stuff, to be sure, and there is really good secret stuff too, and none of that belongs in the hands of anybody else. So, I guess I agree with you in that aspect. But documentation is my goal, not readership. General rule of thumb: if I want my future children to read about it, I publish. If not, I document it more privately.
i agree mandy. i don’t ever put things out there that i think would embarrass or shame my family in any way. however, what i’m talking about here is perhaps even some how (speaking about me) pulling it in even a bit more. Keeping normal things for the family gatherings rather than the internet.
just thinking out loud… =)
I’ve been thinking about this lately… That line and how much is too much. I hate regret and never want to regret writing something or putting it out there prematurely.
i hate regret too.
Exactly! And I have been guilty of that at times. There is a song where one of the lines of the lyric says, “don’t know what I was thinkin’ was I just pressed send.” I’ve done that, gasped, and thought, “Oh Lord, WHERE IS THE UNSEND BUTTON!!! HELP!!”. Gulp. But hey, At least I learned an important lesson the hard way. Lol
I think right to privacy is always something to think about.
When I posted pictures of my oldest granddaughter on my blog which at the time was private. I showed them to her and she said to me “did you ask my permission first’? she was 12 and no I had not. They were not bad pictures but they were of her and she didn’t like me using them on my blog.
lesson learned.
Just because it is something we like or feel is worthy of sharing. We need to do so cautiously.
facebook is ‘in general’ for me or words of encouragement. Not much on the ‘private life’.
Our blogs can be personal to a point.
yes. very true sharon. i think caution is very important. =)
I am in total agreement. I have the craziest photo of my boys, that is down right awesome. I don’t care to share it with my 300 Facebook friends. It’s personal. My almost 1st grader has been making me eagle valentines that are To: Mom, From: Boston. They are on my bulletin board. I’ll share the stories of my wedding photos with you if you come for dinner sometime. Or the only photo of my mother holding Boston the day he was born. It’s for me, my house, my loved ones. You can’t hear my voice or my tone or see the depth in my eyes when I talk through Instagram. For me, it would cheapen the memories.
i love that heather. =)
Oh yes! I couldn’t agree more! In fact, I was just recently thinking about how the new timeline on Facebook revealed how nothing is ever erased on internet. With timeline I can suddenly go back years and see peoples comments, etc. I often think, when my kids get a facebook account and look back on the years they were little, will I want them to see what I have written? It is a helpful thought process to keep things private that should be private.
yes.. so true, johanna. =)
Wow, Sarah! With all of these comments, it seems this is a very hot topic that many are concerned about. As Christian women, I do think we need to pray daily about how Christ wants us to use our blogs to serve Him and not ourselves. Will you be at Allume? This would be a great topic for a panel discussion from some seasoned bloggers.
i will be at Allume! And yes, i agree. Sarah Mae is in charge of panel topics but i’ll ask her about it. =)
Thank you so much for giving a voice to this feeling! I’ve had a hard time finding a balance between living, sharing genuinely, and over sharing.
i do to! thank you for your comment. =)
Yes, I think things are over shared on-line. Real life is real life. Boundaries are good things. “you have drawn the boundary lines in pleasant places” Ps. 16.thank you for the reminder to live!!
“Do you intentionally keep things for only you?” Absolutely. There are some moments too precious to share — those “treasured these things, pondered them in your heart” moments. Even though I write a public blog, I still love the concept of a private life. The balance, I recognize, is nebulous and often hard to navigate.
I love the idea of slipping away and reconnecting with real life. I’m writing a book on motherhood (coming this fall), and I know how important it is to be savvy with marketing, social media, building a platform, etc. There’s nothing wrong with this, of course, but I always want to seek God’s wisdom and keep my finger on the pulse of the real world — the physical people, the in-person relationships — not just the virtual world.
Thanks for such an honest and thought-provoking post, Sarah.
The times when I have the most happenings to document are the times when I have the least amount of time to do so. So often, this pressure to document our lives, whether in little snippets on social media or in pictures on my camera, takes away from the full experience of it. I love the way you’ve framed this idea with the feel of “a secret.” One element of close relationship is the building of inside information, inside jokes, etc. If we share every moment and thought with our entire circle of friends, there is little kept sacred to that inner circle.