The gap between who I am and who I think I should be is too wide a chasm to even fathom.
I only think about it when I get invited to class reunions or when someone asks me with tilted head
So what do YOU do?
I always hate that question because for me it’s always so ambiguous.
Who am I? Who should I be?
I should be kind. I should be patient. I should grab my kids with fun-loving abandon and tackle them in a love-heap. I should be understanding and generous and transparent. I should be loyal and honest and I should be full-of-grace.
Do I let the what-I-have-not-accomplished of my life give me identity? Much of the time, yes {and always when I get that head tilted ask at parties}. Maybe instead of what I normally answer, I should say
I play with my kids. I take them to school and now that its summer, we spend as much time outside as is possible. I like to write and speak but what I’m really good at, what I am really very skilled at is cuddling my girls up under my arms and kissing the tops of their heads while I still can reach them.
If you want to know what I DO, that is it. That is what I do.
And who I am versus who I should be seems like much less of a chasm when I think of my should-be’s and my am’s like this.
Do you need to redefine your should-be’s and your am’s?
Sara…should is a horrible task master….should leaves us with unmet expectations. I heard someone say…”we shouldn’t should on ourselves and we shouldn’t should on others” THere is freedom in this statement….I realized I treat others as I treat myself…if i am shoulding myself…leaving me to always fall short…then my shoulding on others…leaves them always falling short too…
oh oh keep kissing those heads…my youngest daughter is 5’10…all the boys…6ft and above…I live in a land of giants:)
oh i love that! and i have two girls on their way to being taller than me before I blink =)
Your words of truth resonate so with me. As a woman and a momma and one who likes to write, I don’t really like a label or a title. I guess if I were bold I’d say well I just want to follow after Jesus well and love my family with extravagant love and all out. And if you ask me what will you” do “in two years when you have an empty nest I’d say “the same ” things I am trying, trying, to do with His grace in my life now. And maybe I’ll love them both in new ways and more “all-out”. Thanks for this post, Sarah. I am trying to play more this summer. Here’s to outside time with our children. YES. I am a fan of your writing. I will tell you now, as the older I get the more I find its wise to speak what’s on your heart. So…. I am very fond of your writing and love your blog. May your day be filled with grace.
thank you elizabeth!
and yes, extravagant love. May we all have more of it!
Thank you for writing this. I am a new stay at home mommy with our beautiful baby girl, and there’s nowhere else I’d rather be. But there are days when I really struggle with my identity and purpose as a mommy. I needed to read this this morning to be reminded of the great calling that is on my life as a wife and mother.
congratulations on your new little person! yes, i agree. the identity thing can be a struggle. so glad you came to read! =)
Thank you for this post! Oh, how I often dread that question… I struggled with it throughout college (as I was working on a degree that didn’t have a “specific job” attached to it). Then the struggle came more-so after I graduated and once I got married. I almost went back to school for my graduate degree merely so I would have something “meaningful” to tell people when they asked me what I “did.” Thankfully, God intervened and made it clear to me that what other people think about what I “do” doesn’t matter as much as who I AM in HIM. Praise the Lord! Through that realization, I have actually been able to DO more that’s meaningful and enjoyable to me. I’m beginning to clearly see my purpose in Christ. It’s so freeing.
i love that Anna!! thank you for sharing this with us. =)
Sometimes I feel like you’re in my head!!
I have been trying for the past year and a half to redefine my shoulds and ams. The problem is that not only do other people put timelines on us, but also we do it to ourselves.
Everything takes TIME……what’s the hurry?
http://irishtripletsrecovery.blogspot.com/
i love it! i agree, we do it to ourselves.
sigh.
I love it! Someone said that to me years ago. When wrestling with all that you wish you were or all that you perceive to have done wrong, make sure you also look at all that you are, and all that you actually did right! It helps to keep the balance!
so true amanda!!
think and respond with what ‘i am’ instead of what ‘i think i should be.’ I’VE GOT TO DO THAT!
me too!! =)
And that is a beautiful thing that you do.
thank you tim!!
Absolutely perfect post. Thanks Sarah!
thank you carol! =)
Great post, Sarah. But it gets worse: try being a SAHM when your children are all in the double digits and in public school! Then you really get the head tilts. However, my priority after the Lord is my family, and I will pour into them until God calls me elsewhere. Stand straight and tall SAHMs! Proudly proclaim your status. You are the only one who can fill the position as your children’s mom. Do it with gusto and in awe and gratefulness at the privilege. Blessings to all.
ha! so true!! thank you for the encouragement Julie!
Sara,
You are what you should be. I had a little girl when I was way too young and didn’t get to enjoy her because I was so concerned about the fact that I didn’t really know how. I would give anything to be just a mom, there to cuddle and wrap up in a blanket with my girl…who is now 17 and a senior in HS. Don’t allow others to make you fell that you should BE something bigger….this is the BIGGEST BESTEST thing you could be called to do….and don’t allow yourself to be guilty about that.. Love your space here
thank you thank you Jenn!!
Yes. Working on that. Hard NOT to take two, three, four steps back sometimes instead of a giant leap forward.
LOVE. THIS. POST! I can so relate to this! The “should’ves” should be ignored and the “am’s” should be what I listen to!
I absolutely crazy love this because it hits me right where I’m at. Love your blog, so glad to have come across this today.