A couple years ago I went on a quest to get over the fears in my life.
I learned how to use our outdoor grill. I jumped into a cold lake off the end of a pier. I took up boxing. I forgave a friend who had wounded me. And I did a few more serious things too: I apologized to the woman with whose husband I’d had an affair so long ago and we made the move to leave the church we’d been a part of for over a decade. All in one summer.
That’s it. Stand up and tackle fear. Punch it in the nose with a right jab. Cross and then right again. And then give it a left hook to finish it off. And it has felt good.
There is nothing better than being released from a fear in your life.
The problem, however, is this: Even when Fear gets a KO or when it taps out of the match, it always comes back stronger. And different. And sneakier.
I may not be scared of cold lakes or bad guys in dark alleys any longer, but I am scared of being left behind. I’m still fearful of not being liked. I’m scared of losing all of my friends. And I’m scared of failing.
Fear is still hanging around looking for a cage match.
Maybe one way to get rid of fear IS to left-hook it and then watch as it falls to the mat. But maybe another way to get rid of that colossus is to invite it in for a cup of coffee.
Maybe the only real way to get rid of fear is to make friends with it.
Fear, in its giant, colossal form paralyzes us. Its power is in its ability to make us powerless, action-less, and ineffectual. Maybe if we learn how to live in the fear, it loses its power over us.
There is something beautiful about standing up to fear and telling it to back off. And there is something even more beautiful when we watch it flee. But what if a better way {a way with more longevity} is to whisper kindness to it, ask it if it needs anything, and then gradually, as life ebbs and flows, grow out of it.
What do you think? How have you gotten over fears in your life?
I wrote about this today…running with my hubby yesterday I said…I am done with fear…letting it have paralyze me…getting my eyes off of me and fixing them on the ONE who is big enough to take and hold my life…no matter what. My daughter is struggling with attacks from the accuser…I shared with her…the enemy use to beat me up…tell me “you are the most selfish person.”….well instead if trying to convince myself…the enemy why I wasn’t …I started to agree…yes, I am selfish but by God’s Grace He is changing me…yes I don’t love the Lord enough…but by God’s grace I am growing more in love.. For me…this took the punch out of those accusing voices…it silenced the torment.
great post…blessings~
thank you so much ro!! i appreciate it! =)
oh this is so good. My biggest fear is large spiders I can deal with the small ones but if they are large and mean looking I head another way. Except if they are going to bother a little one. I have been known to smash it with a shoe or something but I don’t like it or want to do it. I really cannot handle it and when I see shows where people ‘face’ their fear and get up close and personal with one I cannot watch them. I also don’t like heights of any kind.
ack. i hate spiders too!
Love this perspective, Sarah. Embrace it and face it.
I like the following quotes. They remind me of what you are saying here:
“Courage is not the absence of fear. It is acting in spite of it.” —Mark Twain:
or
“Courage is resistance to fear, mastery of fear – not absence of fear.” —Mark Twain:
How can you master anything you do not spend time with?
i know right? i love that quote by Twain. I was thinking about fear in terms of the fact that we can’t get rid of certain parts of us that we are born with (making “friends” with our big noses or big feet) so we should just embrace it and be ok with it. why not do the same with fear? thanks Renee!! =)
I would guess my biggest fear is that I am incapable of having friends. After a ‘bad break-up’ with the church where my husband and I served I felt completely and totally rejected by the people we once considered our friends. We are at a new church now where I am in fear of reaching out and trying to make friends because I never want to experience that kind of rejection again. Perhaps it’s time that fear and I had a chat (I’m making him bring the Starbucks though!). Thanks Sarah once again.
i hear you. more than you realize. thanks for this comment. it really spoke to me.
Beautiful post. I feel that the best way I have learned to deal with some of my fears is to acknowledge why they exist in my life. Is it God’s way of revealing a deeper issue? Is it a way for God to strengthen me by brininging me to my knees, searching His word or increasing my faith? I also try to tackle the fear by doing what I fear anyways. Instead of hiding beneath the covers…I try to peek my head out little by little until I am strong enough to get up and confront it. It’s a beautiful processs and a part of the journey of life. It’s a part of awakening to who we truly are in God and evolving as a human being. When we begin to awaken to our identity in God then we have the courage to confront the fear because we realize that it’s just false evidence appearing real. The only truth that exists is God’s love which eventually cancels out the fear.
well said, monica!! =)
I love how proactive you were with fighting your fears! I have a long list of things I’m scared of, from dogs to injections to loneliness. I did try to tackle my fear of heights by doing a bungee jump (didn’t work, I’m still scared!) but at least I tried.
wow! a bungee jump! i’m a bit jealous =)
Working on it … And love that you wrote about it. Closer now than I’ve ever been to releasing those deep down fears. I feel the weight sluffing off littlle by little. Thankful for vulnerability!
“Perfect love casts out fear because fear has to do with punishment.”. Chapter and Verse anyone? I cannot find it!! Anyway, when I really think about what the Lord is saying here, it pretty much covers it.
what a marvelous post!
i’m reading “counterfeit gods” by tim keller…the 2nd most convicting (non-Bible) book i’ve ever read…keller says that our fears give us the shape of our whole lives…and of the false gods (idols) that we have placed in our lives.
we ALL have installed these “new gods” that promise to answer our fears, to replace our sorrow & doubt with joy! they are all FALSE gods with FALSE PROMISES…their shapes are based on what sometimes start out as normal cautions…which tend to grow to mythic proportions when we feed them…with more & more fear.
1 john 4:18 says “there is no fear in love, but perfect love casts out fear…” i think the opposite is also true…given enough time, our self-fed fears can end up casting out ALL LOVE…until Jesus bursts thru & offers rescue!
my own fear of being rejected & disapproved of is no match for Jesus…for as long as i keep looking at Him…at the first & last of each day & in between…my fears look manageable..even to me…BUT…taking my eyes off Jesus for even a few moments, even in an intense conversation, sends me running back to worship at the feet of my failed idol-gods of self-defense…along with my unending & unsatisfying quest for people to like me.
seeing Jesus frees me from the shackles of the fears i have known so very well for so very long.
along this line, i love your mother so much better, while looking at Jesus in her, all around her….this is true of my love for you, your husband, your girls, your sister & her fiance…my love becomes a thing freely & extravagantly given when i look at Jesus. apart from seeing Jesus in the dead center of my gaze, my love reduces itself to duty…a pale, self-serving imitation of what is real.
simply put…Jesus grows love…i tend to grow fear.
i vote for Jesus…
dad
I have alot of fears that I have not gotten over. I am scared of having my last baby because when I have him/her there won’t be another one and that scares me to death. And makes me sad. I am really afraid of driving my husband’s huge long bed truck because I crashed it once and it’s really scary to drive. He thinks I should be able to drive it and criticizes me for it and it’s been a major argument for us over the years. I am afraid of making and keeping friends. I have many fears!
However, I also have overcome many other fears. I have not had a drink of alcohol in 5 1/2 years and have lived fairly happily without it. That was huge. I have also sang in front of many people which is a battle that I am always fighting.
Love to you Sarah! I love reading you