Children make friends in 2.3 seconds. That is in no way a clinical assessment, of course, but a simple observation on my part.
No joke. My kids are off to the playground and literally as soon as she’s stepped foot into the wood chips, my six-year-old is holding the hand of a little-girl-stranger and they are play acting at fairies and mermaids.
Happens every time.
Adults are hard pressed to become friends that quickly. It takes us closer to 2.3 years. Again, I learn that not from empirical data but from living life. And especially when friendships change from youth-fueled, school-fueled relationships to the ones we have to maintain as adults, things can be at the very least tricky.
Most friendships don’t make it through that transition. {That’s why we have those embarrassing things called reunions}
And what the heck are adult friendships supposed to look even like? When we are young we are conditioned to understand that regular contact with friends somehow equals close relationship and irregular connection means we’ve drifted.
What about when people get married or get new jobs or move to Hemet (which, for all intents and purposes, it is as if they’ve moved to the moon)? What happens when life and kids and church and everything else puts natural barriers between me and someone I love very much and want to maintain relationship with?
We just make it work.
Lisa and I’ve been friends for a very long time and we’ve seen our friendship move from everyday college roommate living, to once a month supper clubs, to now, our much more intentional friendship. She lives 4 hours away from me yet we make it work to see each other several times a year.
Is it ideal? No. Do I wish she lived next door and our kids rode bikes down the street together? Of course. Do I wish I could call her up right now and meet up in 15 minutes for a hike or a long chat over tea? Yes. But that isn’t what life is for us.
And that’s okay. We make it work as it is.
I don’t know what a good adult friendship is supposed to look like, but I know what ours does. And it is very good.
Lisa has a new line out from Dayspring called the Lisa Leonard Faith Collection . It is available only from Dayspring and not available on her site at all. It’s a beautiful collection of hand stamped, personally crafted jewelry pieces that reflect the journey that we are all on together: as women, sisters, and as friends.
Here’s a little gift for my readers: Enter LLD15 at checkout and you can get %15 off of any of the Lisa Leonard Faith Collection items. That code is only good until September 15th.
And until Friday only the By Grace Alone Necklace will still be $10 dollars off (which means it’s only $26 until the end of August).
My personal favorite is the Well With My Soul Necklace. I love it.
Click here to shop the Lisa Leonard Faith Collection .
What does grown-up friendship look like to you? Has it been hard to make those transitions with friends?
It is well with my soul…my favorite song. I am going through crisis right now and I would love to have that around my neck to remind each and everyday that He is near and it is well with my soul.
i love that necklace! and that song =)
My best friend moved three hours and I miss her…after reading this I am going to make an effort to see her and keep our friendship alive.
Thanks
that sounds great kim!!
It is very interesting because as a single girl, a lot of people think I have lots of friends, which I do not. I had a friend of about 10 years and after a misunderstanding we haven’t spoken for years. But God has been great and I met my close friend Sherri through our blogs, and she lives about 2 hours from me, in Charlotte. A few times a year we visit with each other, and we are very intentional about keeping in touch via phone or email. I miss her and so wish she lived closer
i hate it when friends live far away =(
So you do know what adult.friendship looks like. Isn’t it great.
My friendships all look different, one friend and I are now living 7 hours apart…we used to spend everyday together, now we have become text buddies for the little things and email pour your heart out buddies to really keep in touch, only because with children and work it is hard to get a time we are both available to connect on the phone. We see each other about yearly now and miss each other in the little things in life. Another friend catches up for lunch and a few hours together a couple times a year when she comes to the city to see her family, Once she was a walk away and an afternoon coffee fortnightly and Church, and ladies Bible study and school drop off and school chapel, we all really shared our lives. But in this transition to such distance between us, I have grown closer to God and rely more on Him and my husband, we are better friends now! We can share one anothers lives from afar and rekindle long distance ones when we move closer…..To all my wonderful precious friends I Love you. Thanks Sarah, you helped me feel loved and connected thinking about friends with such love. How truly blessed we are to share our lives with others
I’m in a season of life where none of my dear friends live nearby. My two dearest live in another state 12 hrs away. It’s hard because I used to see these friends 2-3x/wk when we lived locally. Over the years, other dear friends have relocated as well. A cute friend of mine once said, “If you ever need to sell your home, simply befriend Suzanne!” I got a laugh out of it and at the time it was so true! I would make a friend and kabaam! Within a year the person would relocate. Well, at least I have a lot of places I can visit where I can stay with whichever friend lives there! lol. But I gotta tell ya, I’m very lonely when it comes to having girlfriends nearby. As Christians I know God has lessons for us in every situation we find ourselves in. Yet at times it’s hard for me to trust in that. I admit it. I enjoyed this article very much, Sarah. Thank you!!
This year, as part of my goals for the year, I listed friends and how often I committed to seeing them this year. At times it has meant emptying the bank account to fly across the country, or driving long-ish distances on a Sunday evening – but they are always worth it! Friends add richness to life!
Ah Sarah, this is really good for my soul. I had a hard time trusting people after countless “fakes & deceits” than one year I met three amazing women. We meshed and hung out all the time for 3yrs. Even did a group trip to Disneyworld! What a blast! We’re faithful to update here and there always with “Sis” attached. Our kids our adults now. A wedding is coming up too. God has added online community for me at a time when getting out and about isn’t possible all the time. I love it! I love all the wonderful people I’ve connected with.
So you and Lisa L are friends? Small world! And lovely reflection on what it means to be intentional about friendships as adults. Across distances, we can’t be together often – but when we are? Yes! The connections and the conversations are real, often punctuated by laughter (or tears) and so deeply nourishing. This is a gorgeous line of jewelry and it’s fun to see it on display here!