I’m worried.
I no longer have tinies in my house; I have littles.
I’m worried about navigating this new realm of parenting because is more than disciplining and asking for obedience {and even that I am not good at}.
It is modeling and mentoring and it is leading.
I don’t know how to answer the big questions that come from a sharp, fifth-grade mind or the questions that are on the tip of her tongue ready to be asked so very soon. These questions rest gently on the cusp of womanhood and they are ones that I can’t even answer for myself. They are the same questions I grapple with laying my cheek on the pillow and they are the same ones I wonder about as my heart stretches and stretches the older I grow.
All children ask big questions, but I’m learning that the older they get, the more the honesty of the answers matter. Never lying to them, I’ve always answered as best as I can in truthfulness, but I’ve also retreated to
We can ask God in heaven about that one, or
I don’t know the answer, but God sure does, or
Because God says so.
Those replies comfort and cocoon a three-year-old heart, but a girl heading quickly into the big-ness of life? She needs a better answer, I think. The questions deserve a more concrete remedy.
I need something better to tell her.
I can say God says to wait for marriage and there are verses in the Bible about that. I can say that some Christians disagree about what the Bible even means about certain issues and that in truth, I don’t even know what I think about some of it. I can say that. I can even talk about the mistakes I’ve made and how even in the pain there is grace.
But how can I expect her to be satisfied with those answers when sometimes I’m not even satisfied myself?
I think the only answer is to take shelter in Him.
I cannot and will not shelter my children from the world. That does not help them. But I can teach them to shelter in Jesus and in faith even when we don’t know the answers to the big questions.
Do you doubt? Do you wrestle with big questions?
What do you teach your children about the big issues that you yourself doubt?
What did your parents teach you about asking questions?
I was always taught questions were a bad thing but I have come to love that my god loves when I come to him with my questions. He listens to my fears and doubts and comforts me in the midst of them. I am so thankful I have a daddy god that delights in my quest for more knowledge. Because I doubt often. I fear often. I question often. And I hope to teach my children that those things are okay because daddy god listens and hears. And most of all, loves.
thank you brittany. i so appreciate your journey and your wisdom. thank you for the comment!
My 14 year old daughter and I were driving somewhere and I was complaining about “period” issues. I have been dealing with hormonal issues, and possible polycystic ovarian syndrome for several years now. Somewhere in the conversation I blurted out “I don’t really know why all women for all time have to suffer just because one woman ate an apple!” To all of you who may be judging me right now, c’mon you know you’ve thought it before too. Then my daughter said “You know, I have been thinking that for a long time but I was afraid I was afraid to say anything. I thought maybe they wouldn’t let me back in church or that you would get upset with me.” My heart broke a little for my daughter that day and I told her “Please ask anything you want. I may not have all the answers and we may not know until Heaven, but I will not be upset with you for asking.”
what a great story, christina. thank you so much for sharing it!
Christina, What a GREAT opener regarding what you blurted out in your car!! So true, and I thought it was hilarious!! Even though you felt bad about what your daughter said (and please don’t!!) you opened the door for her and your reply to her was awesome imho!!
Yes, I totally doubt. I wrestle with big questions to the point of insanity! lol Then I realize I need to stop ruminating and pray to God or wait for another time. My human brain can most certainly not know the answers to these sorts of questions anyhow. I’ve decided to share something, and I’ll try to keep it brief. Five years ago my husband happened to be in a mall where a gunman came in and started to open fire. He hid, called home, and asked me to pray. (My husband was spared btw) At the time, my daughter looked me straight in the eye with complete horror and said, “Is Dad going to live?” A million things were racing around in my head, one of those being, “If I say yes, and he dies that is not going to be a good thing.” So I said to her, “I don’t know honey.” I remember feeling SO bad and that was DEFINITELY the answer she did not want to hear. Then we all got down on the floor at home and prayed for him. We discovered he was okay and out of the mall about 45 minutes later. This all sounds terrible, but you know what? My daughter ended up accepting Christ that night.
what an amazing story!! thank you so much for sharing it with me. What an amazing mom you are =)
I have taught my daughter to make sure she understands the question before she tries to answer it. She’s very smart and flies through tests but often she misses simple things because she didn’t read the question closely. When she takes the time to understand the question the answers are much easier.
Really listen closely to the questions that are asked. They hold the key to the answers.
As for the four questions posed here…
Of course I doubt. Without doubt there is no examination which leads to deeper understanding.
Deeper understanding is going to involve wrestling with the big questions. They are the ones that are so difficult for us to wrap our human head and heart around. They are big questions because we will never be able to completely encompass the vastness of the One who knows all those answers.
Taking those questions back each time to the One who does have the answers is one of the gentlest ways He draws us to Him. The illustration of a dictionary comes to mind. Most people never go to a dictionary to look up the word “CAT”. From an early age they know how to spell it and what it is. But my guess is most readers who have read this far will be reaching for a dictionary or Goggling if I said I was not querulous. Each time we take the same issue back to Him and ask for deeper meaning we will find it. Deeper understanding of not only the issue but of His heart and ours.
My parents really didn’t teach me about questions directly. The choices they made and the paths their lives took prompted me to question. Not understanding them or their decisions simply by observation taught me to ask for more information, seldom for an explanation and rarely for a reason.
i love your take on it, lana. thank you so much for your eloquent comment .=)
I love your example of the dictionary! As a teacher, this makes perfect sense to me.
One thing I find as I get older, the deeper my understanding of Him, the more I want to know Him!
“The only answer is to take shelter in Him.”
That is one of the best lessons we can teach our children–that when we don’t know the answer or we can’t find a satisfying one–we rest in Him and who we know Him to be. Faith. Trust.
Thanks for sharing! This is definitely a hard one!
i think you are right, mary beth. thank you!
I think you are so right. He is the shelter that is Enough.
Do I doubt? Yes, there are times I do. Do I wrestle with big questions? All the time. But I know that I can take all these doubts, all the questions and I have my Father is all-knowing and He’s got me in the palm of His Hand.
. And Sarah, you are right on when you say that honesty in answering the question is the best we can offer. Did I get it right every time? Absolutely not, but my kids always knew that I drew my strength from The Word.
I am currently struggling with a very big question involving one of my own prodigal grown kids who has been deceived by the lies of the Evil One. I have gone through the angry stage, the confused stage, the grieving stage, the pointing blame stage, and I am now finding the comfort in the One that is Enough. I know that God can and will use all things to His glory. So even as I grieve for this one, I abide in HIM. And when others ask questions about the situation, my prayer is that my faith will shine through to them.
Dear Sarah, I stopped reading your blog because it seems you have made Christianity subject to you. “I’m not sure what I think about everything that’s in the Bible” sounds like the easy way out of simply believing and obeying what the Bible says about God. If He is the same yesterday, today, and tomorrow, and He told us that His word will always be useful for teaching, instructing, and rebuking, doesn’t it make sense that it would still be relevant?
“Do not be deceived: God is not mocked, for whatever one sows, that will he also reap. 8 For the one who sows to his own flesh will from the flesh reap corruption, but the one who sows to the Spirit will from the Spirit reap eternal life.” Are we sowing to feed our Spirits, are we sowing what satisfies our flesh and appeases this world?
thank you for your comment.
i’m sorry that you misread a portion of my post. yes, it is up to me, as the writer, to be as complete as possible in my wording. But I would have loved it more if you would have simply sent me an email to ask me to explain that sentence. What i meant by that was that I don’t know if i still believe the ways i allowed so many others with on perspective interpret the Bible for me growing up. i 100 percent believe the Bible is the accurate, unerring Word of God. I also believe God is much bigger than all the ways we as evangelicals seek to put him in a box.
next time you leave a comment like this (and I hope you do – i encourage challenges) i would ask you leave a correct email address.
thank you!
People that hide behind anonymity are simply scared of hearing someone else take issue witthe hat they believe to be true. If you truly believe what you wrote in your comment, don’t throw a rock and run away. Stay and discuss, be part of the community. Unless you aren’t totally convinced what you wrote is accurate. If that is the case, it’s better to hide. Safer that way
Sad
We’re not there yet with those kind of questions, but it scares me. I was always afraid to ask my parents questions…I’m not even sure why. Perhaps their judgement?
I agree that being open, not condemning and always truthful are the beginning steps.
thank you jess! me too
I wrestle with big questions and birthed children who wrestle with big questions. I don’t recall ever asking them of my parents so I have set out to create a space where questions are welcomed and wrestled with together. I have found that being honest when I don’t have the answers, praying together and saying “I need to think about that one so I can explain it in a way you will understand” is helpful. I’m hoping it will also contribute to raising men who know they don’t need to know it all to be respected.