We’d both been up since 4:15 getting ready for an all day road-trip. We were both tired, but he wanted to listen to his book, I gathered. “It’s okay. I’ll wake you up if I get sleepy.” He turned back toward the road and put one headphone in one ear.
State route 5 looks pretty much the same near the Grapevine as it does deep into the Central Valley; I wasn’t going to miss anything when it came to roadside beauty.
So I closed my eyes.
It was an act of both luxury and trust.
Luxury because as soon as I closed my eyes I realized that I really was tired. Four a.m. caught up with me immediately.
Trust because when we travel, neither my husband nor I sleep for long in the car because we don’t trust one another to stay wide awake.
But today, for some reason, I trusted. And I rested.
Like a baby asleep in a mother’s sling, a child with eyes closed in her Daddy’s arms, rest comes with trust.
Rest IS trust, actually.
I trust that You are good and You will hold me.
I trust that You are strong enough for my rages.
I trust that You are big enough to love even the hardest parts of me.
And I trust that You will stay wide awake through the night to watch protection over me.
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