I said “yes” to a park outing the other day.
It was cold and I had a pile of work to do at home. Like real work. For my real job. Not just dishes or laundry which could be shuffled to the back of the list, but real honest-to-God work. I’m in a sort of a crunch time right now.
We pulled around the corner into our neighborhood and Naomi, my youngest, saw the kids playing at the park.
“Mama, can we go? Please?”
“You want to go now?” I saw hazy visions of emails ding-ding-dinging in my inbox.
“I don’t have any homework tonight. Pluuuhheeease!”
I looked at my eleven year old. “I can say home, Mom. I have Math to do. Take Naomi to the park.”
And then I glanced at Naomi’s almost seven-year-old eyes in the rear view mirror. “Yes. Let’s go. But we can only stay for a little while.”
It was nothing grand, nothing amazing. In fact it was downright windy and chilly and there was a gaggle of bullyish-boys on the playground that I had to keep my eye on.
But I had to remember that she won’t be six-almost-seven for long. She won’t want to go to the playground for many more years. And soon she’ll be the fifth grader who stays home to finish her Math homework.
She won’t want to swing on the swings any longer and this moment could be a last if I’m not careful.
So I said “yes.”
When I was twenty-two I bought my first decent car. It was used of course, but it was a couple-year-old Honda Civic hatchback. {Very cool at the time if you are wondering.} We found it at a used car lot and it was priced for more than I had at the time. Chad and I haggled with the oily sales guy with the fake family photos taped to his wall (true story) and finally figured out that he wasn’t going to budge in price.
As we walked out without the car keys in hand I said to Chad, “No deal is the best deal.” When someone says, this is the best deal you’ll find in town, that’s a lie. There is no such thing: there will always be someone else who is willing to sell you something for cheaper or something better at the same price.
It’s more than okay to walk away from things like that because the rule of it is that there WILL be another deal. It releases us from worrying about it coming around again.
But this rule, I discovered during our brief park outing, is not always true. With children, with relationships, with forgiveness there might not be a next time. There might not be a “better deal” or another outing at the park in the same way.
I can’t necessarily push my chair back from the sales desk and walk out because I can buy a car somewhere else. With people, I don’t really have the luxury to say “no”. At least not like that.
There is a fine balance between yes and no, I understand, and a narrow fence to walk. But today, as a girl who says “no” way too often, I want to start saying more “yes’s.”
After a few minutes, the smarmy sales manager at the car lot ran out after us with his right hand extended. “We’ll do it for your price, ” he said out of breath. “You have a deal.” He shook our hands. I had my car!
Life is full of opportunities to say “no”: NO, I won’t sign up for the church thing. NO, I won’t go and meet the new mom at school. NO, I won’t answer her phone call because she talks too much. NO, NO, NO.
But maybe we should think harder about the places we can say “yes” because some of it won’t come around again. It will be the last time. She won’t ask to go to the park on a windy afternoon and that single chance might be lost.
Do you say “no” too much? Or do you say “yes” too much? Have you found a balance?
Oh, Sarah!!! Not only is this post touching because you recognize your daughter won’t always want to go to the park with you, but it speaks to my heart. Yes, I am trying to say yes more often and to the right things…but it can be a bit scary. Thank you so much for this post!!
thank you Mary! And thank you for the tweet!! =)
What a great reminder and lesson to apply. I said “no” way too many times in life when my children were young. They are all grown up now, with families of their own. Their lives are busy. Two of the four live over 2000 miles away – from each other – and from me.
I wished I had taken heed when I came home from a newspaper deadline day at 2:00 am to find a note on my pillow, from my then 9 & & year old. “Mama, we missed you tonight. Please, please don’t become and editor again. We need you.” I said ‘no.” Thinking the money was necessary, the writing my passion and all the while, I missed the most important gift God gave me. Time. Time I will never get again.
I said both “yes” and “no” too much. Balance is so key. I lost the most important moments of my life. With my children.
Blessings ~Debra
Debra, regret is so hard, and so many lessons are learned the hard way.. We’ve all missed some important moments. May you have many more opportunities, many more important gifts, to apply what you now know.
i agree debra – balance is key. thank you for this honest and beautiful comment. hoping your today and your future is filled with yeses! =) blessings.
The hardest thing is — I was going to say, “knowing when to say yes or no,” but it’s not that at all. The hardest thing is making the choice a conscious one. Not just saying yes because somewhere I believe it will fill in the empty spaces or erase the guilt. Not just saying no because I don’t feel like switching gears or putting on my shoes. Living thoughtfully and intentionally is the hardest thing. Thanks for the reminder that it’s worth it.
very well said, bridget!! thank you!
I am a long-term lurker. But I have to say (as an older person), that this one truly hits home.
Yes indeed, this could be the last opportunity. Don’t turn it down for something with more immediancey but far less importance
bob
s/v Eolian
Seattle
thank you so much for leaving a comment Bob! i really appreciate it. and thank you for your words of wisdom.
I’m in the teen years now with both of mine, so aware of this on a daily basis. Those times at the park become so few that every opportunity of an opening to be with them is a yes for me. Lovely post and such a full heart knowing you get this Sarah.
thank you shelly!!
great reminder, sarah.
and YES! say “YES” all you can. they REALLY do grow up TOO FAST. my 14 & 13 yr olds have little desire to swing anymore.
wow. 14. hard to believe. it goes fast. =) thank you for your sweet comment denise!
When I am able to say yes to my kids with my whole heart, I sense this huge blessing of generosity entering into our lives. It’s stunning how little it takes for that gift to take root.
I love this post. It’s so timely for my life right now! In the midst of schooling, and sickness, and holidays, and, and, and…all of life, I am trying so hard to be a mom who says yes more often. I do fill up my days with “no’s” way too much. I know I’m missing these opportunities, I see it happening, but at the time, I feel so compelled to get that last assingment done, or to clean something, or whatever it is. I’m praying that I will change in that area and that I will become more mindful of what’s important at that very moment. I want more time with my children, and I’m going to lose that if I’m always finding something else that needs to be done. Thank you Sarah, for sharing something that’s so close to my heart as well.
“No” is always my first response so that I can change my mind if I want. I need to start saying “yes” more. Even when it’s inconvenient.
Beautiful post. I think I have been saying “no” to my family way too much. I’m really trying to change that. Some days, it feels forced, other days, it comes naturally. You are right,, we often have only one opportunity to say “yes.”
I make us take a break from our days quite often and we jet out to the beach. Thankfully, we live close enough to walk. We’re always glad we took the break to enjoy the outdoors.