As school was beginning last autumn I started to listen to myself: I was actually screaming at my kids. The transition from summer to school year in our house was not an easy one.
“Get dressed!!” “Why aren’t you ready yet?” “Your shoes aren’t on!” “This van is driving to school. Will you be on it?”
And it wasn’t just the wild time between 6:50 and 7:25 in the morning. It was during every other time of the day when there was a place to be and we weren’t anywhere near ready to be there.
I was stressed. My husband was stressed. The kids were out of their minds, and rightly so. All the negativity in the house was funneling down directly to them and when I began to actually hear myself as I yelled I understood that a lot of the stress was directly tied back to me and my attitude.
I made a decision: If my family’s “crazy” was in some part due to my inability to function well, I needed to make some changes. So I did. I fixed a lot of things about my life that needed some major overhaul, but one of the things I did was I began to get up at 5. Now I know that a lot of you already greet the world during the early hours to get a head start on the day, but I had been sleeping until I had just enough time to get up, get dressed and then wake up my kids.
It just wasn’t working.
I began to build a cushion into my {our} mornings so that the mood in the house would be more relaxed. This margin for error changed things almost immediately.
I was more calm because I was getting things done before the sun and the children woke up. The children were more calm because Mama was more calm and life had the chance to move naturally along as it needed to.
Since then I’ve begun to build more cushions and write more margins into the story of my life. Not just time ones: but emotional ones, spiritual ones, and physical ones.
I’m getting into bed before I’m tired because I want to be there to fall asleep when I should. I’m spending time in prayer before I “feel the need” or before I get desperate. I’m emailing close friends when I need extra prayer or emotional support when things get tough in my life. And I’m trying to be more transparent and open with friends about how I’m “really doing.”
Cushions are so important because it takes the irrational and the crazy and gives it a soft place to land. Margins help us because it gives us “white space” in a sea of wall to wall words.
Not only is it okay to create these margin spaces in our lives, but I think it’s necessary.
Cushions are the short naps I schedule during the day, even when I’m too busy to blink. Cushions are the easy coffee hours with friends who love without judgment and just need love in return. Cushions are the early bedtimes and early risings because a new day sometimes is better than the last one. Maybe at their core, cushions are grace embodied in daily life.
What do you think? What cushions or margins can you create today? What have you done that you find works to keep your feet on the ground?
When I worked at a church doing youth ministry and we had retreats, I would always get up way early to have some peaceful time because it was so busy and crazy for introvert me. I thought I might try the same with kids, but this weird thing happens–when I get up earlier, my kids get up earlier. No matter how quiet I am, no matter what time they normally get up. It is like some sick Murphy’s Law thing up in here. So, for me and with my kids at their ages, I’m not attempting to get up early–though some of me longs to. Instead I stay up insanely late (I really just don’t like sleep) and have my peace then. I’d love to have peace in the beginning AND end of the day, and hopefully when my kids are a little older, the weird tie to Mommy that makes them get up when I do will sever enough for me to have some early morning time.
I love this post, though, and the honesty of realizing how you were talking (I have had that realization lately as well and been working on it), and also the way you found your cushion in the margin.
yep, my kids get up earlier too, actually. but at the life stage we are at (school, etc) it actually helps them if they wake up naturally with sound in the house. that’s just my family though =)
and yes, it is something i look forward to as well as they continue to get older. =)
YES! I love the way you describe the cushions in life…margin, I think I’ve mastered. But I need to work of fluffing some cushions! Thanks! And I WISH I had the discipline to get up at 5 am each day.
thank you missy june!! =)
AMEN!!!! I started Hello Mornings last week, but I started getting up earlier and not snoozing the week before as “practice.”
The effect on our mornings and really the whole day is phenomonal! I was also sleeping to the very last minute and then just expecting my son to speed through the morning just as I did. Didn’t work and every morning ended in a shouting match followed by silence and then apologies. No way for him (or me) to start the day.
I am already looking forward to the early mornings and how much smoother the whole day goes as a result!
Love this. We live our lives as a family with margin. Limiting our activities so we have time to play after school. Allowing extra time in the mornings because some of my kids move at a glacial pace. Coffee dates with friends with no hard stop time set because that is when the good, deep conversations start. I have gotten some push back from people because I don’t do it all but I just can’t, not well, not without yelling and putting unfair burdens on my kids.
i could definitely learn from some of your cushions. i need to place some of my own in.
i just love how intentional you are about everything, sarah. love you, friend!
Cushions are like grace; it can never be wise enough and it should never end. This is a great reminder of creating more space. Thanks S!
Thanks B! I appreciate the comment! =)
This. I need to do this. Create cushions in my day. Thank you for writing this.
A couple of months ago, I was having to get up at 5:15-5:30 every morning so I would have extra time to finish up a project at work. When the project was done, I kept getting up that early because I also enjoy having alone time before the kids get up. I feel more relaxed in the mornings. There have been a few mornings now when we have all been ready 10 minutes early!
Prayers have been wonderful cushions for me as of late. You’re so right about what you said, about praying way before the desperation sets in. It not only helps silence my anxieties, it also feels like it wraps me up in divine surrender. Wonderful cushions indeed for the harshness and unpredictability of daily life. Thank you for the reminders!
Just the words and challenge I need to hear Sarah. Lately I have really hit the Home-school blues/wall – whatever you want to call it…and our days have felt all out of sorts. I know getting up earlier before my girls will help tremendously and bring more peace and order to our days. Now it’s a matter of mind over tired body…getting up when the alarm goes off and finding a better rhythm. God’s rhythm.
so true!
only as we move more slowly into our FAST DAY, will we begin to hear
what we usually miss & find ourselves able to do
what truly needs doing…
great words & heart, girl…love ya!
dad
“Maybe at their core, cushions are grace embodied in daily life.” Love that quote, Sarah. Thank you for this timely post, at least in my life, timely. At the end of 2012, I determined to spend more time in study and prayer. God had opened up the time for me.
Just as you described the ‘craziness’ in and around your life. The stress and so on, I became aware of it in my own life a couple of weeks ago. A lot of situations were hitting us all at once. Slowly, the designated time set for the Lord was shortening. Then today, taking account, I missed seven days in a row where I didn’t sit down at all for Him specifically.
I took this day to recoup the burden, and relive the moment I knew God whispered to me to come, and sit with Him. He had made the table ready. He simply asked me to join Him.
I will be back at His table, filling myself with His word and worshiping at His feet in prayer.
Blessings ~Debra
Margin is exactly what is needed in my schedule… I saw a difference in the craziness in our house when I started to get up earlier too. I just have to get better at being dressed before the kids are up. That would really help. I am getting better at doing lunches the night before. We are doing less play dates and having more fun just hanging together at home.
“cushions are grace … ” I think you’re right. It’s the space we give ourselves to live a life that’s less than perfect, not precisely synchronized or on time. It’s embracing the reality of the unplanned and giving ourselves room to even delight in it.
Sarah, I just started following you, but YES, building in cushions and margins – it’s oh-so-importanT! (and something I’m just starting to learn). Boundaries and room both are good, necessary things.
so glad you are here! thank you cara! =)
Wow! what a great way to describe the parameters of our daily schedule…. cushions and margins. I’ve got the margins down pretty well —- thanks for the good word about cushions! I’m really working on being intentional (my word for 2013) . . . and part of that is being intentional with time
so true Bev! =)
YES! This!
I’m a big proponent of early wake-ups for me. I’ve often said I’m a better mommy, wife, person, because of my time. But, there’s more I can do and He’s leading me to do, to let my life have “cushions”. I try to squeeze too much into what was supposed to be a margin for a different purpose. And I don’t let myself rest with a cushion. There’s so much you said here that reminded me of what’s important, even though I’ve known all along. {hugs} to you, friend.
Thank you for writing. You are such a source of encouragement! God bless you. You never fail to speak truth into my day. Thank you.
Oh I love this, and feel like it could be the solution I’ve been looking for…just maybe more like 5:30 since I’m pregnant, ha! : ) I already get up at 6 but that’s when the kids get up too and everyone seems to “need” something at the same time. And I also love how you talk about margin in general (emotional, spiritual, physical) not merely when it comes to keeping a certain schedule. Thanks a ton Sarah for bringing, once again, hope into my day and life.
You are a breath of honest goodness in a sea of Pinterest perfection. ; )