Showing Up

rockbed

This has been the longest stretch of non-writing I’ve had in I can’t remember how long.

Writing is my soul and my heart and my creative space and when I’m not doing it, I feel empty. And then it becomes a cycle. Empty breeds no-words and no-words turns into empty.

There have been some reasons why. The holidays wrung me out so that by the first of the year, I felt like I’d given my whole self away over and over again. On top of that, the flu stole most of January from me and then as a result I’ve been playing catch up with my life.

Someone once to me said that creativity is a river and those words, when heard, pierced me when I was dry.  And the words I dread, even from soul-giving, well-meaning friends is “Are you writing?” They ask because they know how much I need to do it. But I dread it because it is a shamed “No.”

So here I am, trying to crawl back in bed with the discipline that helps me process my life, helps me define myself and helps to calm my soul. To me, it really is more than a discipline: it is a pathway from God to my heart and from my heart to God.

My fingers are creaky and my heart is even creakier; but I am showing up today. And sometimes showing up is all a girl can do.

Comments

  1. says

    So glad you did. I’ve been missing your words in my reader. I hope for more. Yet, I also hope you don’t feel shame if it doesn’t happen. Or doesn’t happen quickly or with great quantity.

    I’ve been feeling lately that blogging puts unfair expectations of production upon writers. It is a lot to ask people to come up with interesting content on a weekly basis. And maybe not healthy. Come back at whatever pace you can muster. For you, for the life that it brings. And know that your words, however many or few, are valued by those of us who read them.

    Showing up is perfect.

  2. Judy says

    This comment kind of goes with this post and your last one…January is a tough, tough month. I think we all just need to be kinder to ourselves and each other, ease into the New Year, as you said. Everybody gets knocked off their routines in December, and it’s all wibbly-wobbly trying to right it in January, at least to me. Showing up is just perfect for now, it lets us say, hello, we’ve missed you but understand completely. Let the quiet times sink in, January leaves soon!

  3. says

    thank you for this post. i love blogging but have been struggling a bit myself. you’ve done far more than just showing up. thank you for the encouragement you’ve given me.

  4. Elizabeth says

    It’s ALWAYS good to hear from you whether you have lots to write or not. thank you so much for being vulnerable with where you are. Please know YOU are such a precious gift to many!! Good thing is January is almost over and spring is just around the corner.

  5. says

    So happy you decided to “show up” again. I haven’t been able to write at all this week but you have encouraged me to sit down and let the worries of the week flow onto paper. From my uncles funeral, to my 18 month old grandson with an asthma attack to sitting with my friend in the hospital as her heart is wearing due to the desperate need of a lung transplant. – sometimes getting it out on paper lets me sort my thoughts and feelings. Thank you for posting this!

  6. says

    I completely get it and agree with Judy. Sometimes February feels more like a “new year” than January.
    I love your words and am always encouraged through them. So thank you for showing up.
    “Empty breeds no-words and no-words turns into empty.” These words will be going through my head today.
    Thank you!

  7. says

    i hear you loud & clear…
    your heart & mine are shaped alike
    in that “write-way”…
    love, ya SO much & SO proud of what you’ve accomplished
    leveraging your heart for Jesus
    into so many young hearts in the past few days
    all my love,
    dad

  8. says

    Not at all where I expected this post to go…I have recently contemplated this showing up and this showing up with words in a place where there feels to be no words….words I needed to hear. Thanks for showing up here to day.

  9. says

    Welcome back from the hiatus. :) Mine is much slower than yours, like 3 years. I’m still not even posting what I’m currently chewing on. It’s just cudd. But reposting what I’ve written in the prior years is good. It reminds me once again, Whose I am.

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