Seven years ago I had no idea how I got to the place I was: in the middle of an affair, depressed, obsessed and full of self-loathing.  But I didn’t get there overnight.

During my healing and restoration I read Shannon Etheridge’s book Every Woman’s Battle.  In it she asks a question: If you can’t control yourself before you’re married, what makes you think you can control yourself after you’re married (I’m paraphrasing because I can’t find the page number).

Ahem. Right.

Because the thing is, we hadn’t controlled ourselves before we were married.  When I got married in 1996 at the age of 21 Chad was not a virgin but I was.  Technically, that is.

We had gone as far as we could go before we were married without actually having intercourse. So when we did get married, we began our intimacy off on the wrong foot: one laced with guilt and embarrassment.  We had not been able to exercise the self control we knew we should have.  In fact, half the reason we did get married 2 weeks after I graduated from college was so that we didn’t have to live out the rest of that summer having almost-sex whenever we were alone.  We wanted the real deal.

Reading Shannon’s book in the months after my affair was an eyeopener to say the least (and it turned out to be the single most effective book I read during that period).  I finally began to understand some of the roots of my problem: a fundamental and complete lack of Godly self-control.

Last week a reader emailed me ans asked me how Chad and I managed to say pure when we were dating, how we were able to “wait” until we were married.  We hadn’t, I had to tell her.  Not completely.  She asked me how a girl can navigate through singleness and make it all the way to a future wedding day without sleeping with any potential boyfriends.  And, was it worth it.  My answer to her was almost too simplistic.

Yes, it was worth it.

And to how? Self-control.

The self-control couples need to keep from having sex before they are married is the same self-control that keeps me from having an affair. And its the same self-control that keeps my husband from looking at porn. Its the same self-control that keeps me waking up every day and striving to keep my marriage pure and focused.

That self-control doesn’t change as soon as I sport a wedding ring.  It’s something that should be learned early and learned well. And then it must be practiced.

Or else it is all hopeless.

Which is why today I’m giving away a pack of Shannon Etheridge books. She has been generous to donate four books that I will give away as a set to one of YOU!  Every Woman’s Battle, Every Woman’s Battle Promise Book, Words of Wisdom for Women at the Well and then a copy of the Stephen Arterburn book Every Man’s Battle (a must read for every husband/boyfriend).

Leave ONE comment before 9pm Tuesday telling us what you think about any of this: about self-control, about waiting, about being single, or married, or anything.  Just tell me your thoughts.

One of my favorite things around the web (at least since August) has been (in)courage. I am proud and honored to be one of their monthly writers, and let me tell you, I am in the company of some serious greatness.  I feel so humbled.

So, two exciting things today:

1. Via (in)courage I am proud to be able to give away some of their beautiful handcrafted products today as part of My Favorite Things: Six Weeks of Free Stuff series. I’m giving away three pieces by the amazing Lindsey Cheney of the Pleated Poppy to one of my readers.

One of you will win a Crisp Posy Pin set, a Grow in Grace tea towel and a Trees of the Forest tea towel.  They are so so cute, I promise!

2. Today, my December post for (in)courage is up.  So, after you are done leaving your comment to win some of Lindsey’s great stuff, go on over and read.

Joy is a Symptom

The times in my life I’ve been the most joyful, it hasn’t really been a choice.

It has been against my will.

People say that love is a choice and I’m confident that’s true.  And I guess that joy can be a choice in the same way.  For example, I choose joy over self-pity, happiness over sullenness and delight over disdain.

Yes, sometimes joy is a choice.

But more often for me, joy has often been a symptom…

To read the rest, click here.

To be entered in the random giveaway, leave a comment HERE ON THIS BLOG before 9pm on Tuesday, December 15 telling me A BLOG OR WEBSITE that you’ve found lately that you think the rest of us might like.

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Hoping you all had a wonderful Thanksgiving. We did a mini STAYcation.  We used free Legoland tickets on Friday and hit the Nixon Presidential Library on Saturday (where Chad and I had the funnest time photo-shooting ourselves in the reflective visor of real spacesuit worn by Neil Armstrong). But then on Sunday it all came to cash in because I woke up sick.

Don’t click away.  I’m not giving away a spacesuit.  Or a camera.

But I do think you’ll be interested in what I’m giving away today. So continuing in my My Favorite Things: Six Weeks of Free Stuff, I’m giving away a trio of my favorite writing items. Even if you aren’t a writer, I’m sure you’ll be happy.

$25 to Starbucks because that is where I get most of my writing done. I’m at my cozy little Starbucks twice a week when my three-year-old is in preschool.

$25 to iTunes because without my headphones connected to my computer listening to my writing playlist or something similar, I can’t get any work done with the milk steaming and people talking on their cell phones in the background.  Music takes me to my happy place when I’m writing.

A mini Moleskine notebook. For the past few months I’ve kept one of these with me WHEREever I go. I put one in my purse and I leave it there.  I write blog posts, shopping lists, and writing ideas in it. It’s perfect.

One of you will receive all of these in one tidy little package that is my pleasure to mail off at the end of the week.  So, to enter, leave a comment in the comment field telling me your favorite trio of whatever.  Three lipgloss colors. Three tea cups you love.  Three places to vacation. Whatever you want. Three things that somehow go together.

Leave your comment (one comment only) before 9pm on Wednesday night and I’ll announce the winner on Thursday.

What’s your favorite trio?

Oprah does it.

And now I’m doing it.

And to be honest I haven’t watched Oprah since I was on bedrest pregnant with my OLDEST daughter 8 years ago.

Anyhoo…

If you’ve been reading my blog for any length of time then you will know that I’m not really a giveaway girl. I’ve given away books written by my friends and acquaintances in the last year, but I’ve never done anything like I will be doing in the next six weeks.

Don’t have a heart attack.  I’m not giving away cameras or refrigerators.

But every Monday from now until the end of the year, I will be hosting a giveaway. Yes, that’s right.  Every Monday. Like clockwork.  (Or as regular as jogging regimen used to be before I started writing a book…)  And they will be MY FAVORITE THINGS.  Sorta like Oprah.

And since I’m not in the giveaway circuit, most (not all) of the things I get to give to you I will be purchasing myself.  Some have been donated and I’ll make sure you know when someone has been gracious enough to donate something to my readers.

So to launch this My Favorite Things: Six Weeks of Free Stuff series, I’m giving you one of my personal favorite things. A necklace by Lisa Leonard. She just has been generous enough to donate one of her brand new Paper Lantern necklaces to one of my readers.

Not only is Lisa one of my favorite people, but her unique jewelry is some of my favorite to wear. I’m not glamorous or overstated, so for me her pieces are the perfect amount of jewelry around my neck.  I have one to giveaway here this week and the winner will be able to personalize it with the names they choose (yours won’t say “chad” “hope” and “naomi” because if it did, that would be weird).

To enter, leave a comment telling me one thing you are thankful for (this being Thanksgiving week, I thought that would be appropriate).  Please, one comment only per person and the comments will be open until 9pm Pacific Time on Wednesday.

I’ll announce the winner at the end of the week.

Oh, I’m so excited! Are you?