Believe it or not, once upon a time I used to be really in shape.
I’d spend hours (you read that correctly) in the gym not trying to lose weight (I’d already done that) but trying to build muscle and tone my body. One hour of cardio and then one or more hours of weight lifting EVERY day. I’d usually take one day off a week. Let’s just say I was overtraining. But for a very short amount of time, I had great muscle definition and a low body fat percentage.
The amount of time and energy I poured into this was deafening. I’d arrange my day and my life around my gym time. If I took time off or my schedule was interrupted for something (vacations, illness, etc) within the first week I’d notice a distinct difference in my fitness. Mainly, my muscle tone. I know it sounds silly, but it’s true.
And then when I got pregnant with my first daughter taking months off of the gym, was when I really began to notice the atrophy.
Atrophy: the degeneration of something from disuse.
A few months’ vacation from calf raises and squats and all of a sudden my legs felt like jello. Some time off from curls and I couldn’t see my biceps any longer. Triceps? They were the first to go. To keep it up, I would have had to spend nearly the same amount of time devoted to exercise and weight lifting for the rest of my life.
Now, I’ve settled into a routine of working out when I can, jogging a few miles a few mornings a week and squeezing in squats and lunges at the kitchen sink. I no longer have triceps that I can see or definable quads. I simply don’t have the time (or the motivation) to spend 14 hours a week in the gym.
Anything atrophies if we stop using it. Including relationships. Especially relationships.
Marriages and friendships are either getting better or getting worse. There is no hover posture for relationships.
We are either taking steps to repair, restore and increase closeness and intimacy, or we are not. And when we do not, it begins to atrophy. The relationship loses effectiveness and impact.
Of course there are natural times for relationships to cycle in and out of uber-excitement and crazy joy (read: my time off from the gym for pregnancy). That’s just life.
But, I don’t want to get flabby in my friendships or my relationships with my daughters. I don’t want to lose my intimacy with my husband. I want to fight this. It seems like a lot of work, right? It is. I can’t lie. There isn’t any one-word fix for it, or “Eight Steps to Intimacy” e-book I can send you.
I can’t ignore the needs of my husband for months and expect our relationship to be at the same place it was. I can’t. I can’t put off my daughter’s requests for time spent with her just one-on-one and hope that our relationship will be better for it. I need to pour time and energy, at a deafening intensity maybe, into the relationships I deem important if I want them to flourish.
Unless you don’t want them to flourish. Unless you want to be flabby. In which case you will be.
You won’t get fit by sitting on the couch.
How do you fight relationship atrophy?
